BACK ANANIAS 5'3m1f Ananias and Sapphira pay with their lives (applause) PETER -- (deep and mellow announcer's voice) Hi, and welcome back to the Book of Acts Telethon. I'm the Apostle Peter and here's the apostle John with an update for our tote board? Johnnie? JOHN -- (mellow announcer's voice) Our new total is.... (fanfare) $457,876. (applause) Our congratulations to our listeners and our thanks for their great generousity. The widows and orphans here in Jerusalem thank you too. And now back to Peter, who has another generous gift. Peter? PETER -- Thank you, Johnnie. We do indeed have another generous donation. Your name, sir? ANANIAS - My name is Ananias. My wife's name is Sapphira. Oh, I guess she not here. She must have gone to the powder room. Oh, well. PETER -- And how much do you want to give to the Acts of the Apostles Telethon, Ananias? ANANIAS - (Brooklyn Accent) Ah, before I announce my gift, can I say hi to the guys in my neighborhood? PETER -- Sure, go ahead. ANANIAS - I'd like to say hello to the guys on the north side. Hello, Lenny, hello Harry, hello to Mort and hi to Benny. And finally, hello to my Mom. PETER -- Okay, now, before you drop your donation into the big barrel, how much is in the bag? ANANIAS - Well, first, I like to say that my wife and I sold a piece of property next door to our house and we're giving the entire amount to telethon! (applause) PETER -- That's very generous, Ananias! How much is in the bag. ANANIAS - Twelve thousand bucks! (low rumble thunder) What was that? PETER -- Johnnie, tell Ananias about that black cloud over his head. JOHN --- Peter, that cloud over Ananias head is the wrath of God! (audience: oooo!) Yes, for some reason, the wrath of God is about to rain down upon Ananias. And unless Ananias repents soon, he'll be doomed to death. Now, back to you, Peter. (audience: gasps) PETER -- Right you are, Johnnie. Well, Ananias, it appears that you are about to be struck down by the Lord God Almighty. Would you like to change your story? ANANIAS - No, I kind of like the story I gave. (thunder louder) Alright, so maybe Sapphira and I held back a few pennies for ourselves. (thunder louder) Did I say a few pennies? I meant a few dollars. (huge thunder clap, audience gasp) PETER -- Johnnie, while our ushers carry away the dead body of Ananias, tell our audience what just happened. (theme music) JOHN --- Right you are, Peter. Ananias and his wife Sapphira sold their property for over $25,000, but he dropped only half of that into the barrel. Then he lied before the Lord. Fortunately, the Lord prevailed. (applause) Now, back to you, Peter. PETER -- Thank you, Johnnie. Oh, here she is now. Let's give a warm welcome to Ananias' wife, Sapphira. (applause) Sapphira, welcome to Acts of the Apostles Telethon. SAPPHIRA - (brooklyn accent) Thank you, Peter. Can I say hi to my friends on the north side? PETER -- Sure. SAPPHIRA - I like to say hi to Stella, Rita, and Pearl, from my mah jongg group and Evelyn and Myra at the sewing guild. (low rumble thunder) What was that? PETER -- Johnnie, tell Sapphira about that black cloud over her head. JOHN --- Peter, that cloud is the wrath of God! (audience: oooo!) Yes, for some reason, the wrath of God is about to rain down upon Sapphira. And unless Sapphira repents soon, she'll be doomed to death. Now, back to you, Peter. (audience: gasps) PETER -- Right you are, Johnnie. Well, Sapphira, it appears that you are about to be struck down by the Lord God Almighty. Would you like to change your story? SAPPHIRA - What story? Where is my husband. PETER -- Ananias claimed he sold his property and gave the entire amount to the telethon. Is that correct? SAPPHIRA - Sure. (louder thunder) Ananias! Where are you? (louder thunder) Alright, alright, we held some money back. PETER -- How much? SAPPHIRA - Ananias! (louder thunder) It was all Ananias' idea. I had nothing to do with it! (huge thunder clap, audience gasp) PETER -- Johnnie, while our ushers carry away the dead body of Sapphira, tell our audience what just happened. (theme music) JOHN --- Right you are, Peter. Sapphira lied before the Lord. Fortunately, the Lord prevailed. (applause) Now, back to you, Peter. PETER -- Johnnie, do we have an update for our tote board? JOHN --- We do indeed, Peter. (fanfare) Thanks to the generous contribution from the late Ananias and Sapphira, our new total is.... (drum roll) $469,876. (applause) Our congratulations to our listeners and our thanks for their great generousity. The widows and orphans here in Jerusalem thank you too. Peter? PETER -- And now, he's a word from our sponsor. (loud clap of thunder) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |