PASSOVER 4'2m0f The arrangements are made for the last supper.

PETER -- Oh, there he is. (shouts) Excuse me?

LANCE -- (effeminate) Yes, were you talking to little old me?

PETER -- Yes, ah, let's see here, ah, I'm supposed to say 'The 
rabbi asks: Where is the guest room, where I may eat the 
Passover with my disciples?'    

LANCE -- The rabbi... Oh, you mean Jesus! Yes, I know him! And 
don't think I'm not grateful.

PETER -- Grateful? Grateful for what?

LANCE -- Well, for obvious reasons, I don't like to repeat this, 
but Jesus really pulled my chestnuts out of the fire.

PETER -- Excuse me?

LANCE -- Do you remember the wedding in Cana a couple years 

PETER -- Why, yes, I went to that wedding with Jesus.

LANCE -- Well, I was the caterer at that wedding. And to this 
day I cannot imagine how I miscalculated the wine so badly. I 
was in a tizzy.

PETER -- A tizzy.

LANCE -- Yes, if it hadn't been for Jesus, I would have been 
persona-non-grata in Cana. I wouldn't even have been able to get 
myself arrested in that town.

PETER -- I'm sure.

LANCE -- Anyway, he turned about 120 gallons of water into wine 
and the wedding reception came off flawlessly, just flawlessly.

PETER -- Flawlessly.

LANCE -- Yes, and now I get to repay him. So, he wants to use my 
banquet hall upstairs?

PETER -- If it's alright.

LANCE -- Well, of course! How many in the party?

PETER -- Twelve. No, thirteen, Jesus and his twelve apostles.

LANCE -- That's it? A great big banquet room and there'll be 
just thirteen of you?

PETER -- Ah, yes, ah, Jesus just wants it to be a...

LANCE -- ... I know just an intimate little swaraj. Well, let me 
make a few suggestions. I make a beautifully light keesh Larane.

PETER -- We'll have lamb.

LANCE -- Lamb?! But lamb is so... so passe.

PETER -- It's passover. We need lamb... It was lamb's blood that 
the Jews smeared on their door posts in Egypt before the Angel 
of Death passed over, remember?

LANCE -- Well, then let me suggest my famous lamb kabobs, with 
bite size morsels of lamb, with bits of white and red onion, 
green and red bell peppers and artichoke hearts and those tiny 
little cherry tomatoes. It's very colorful and festive...

PETER -- Roast lamb is what we need. Moses was very clear about 

LANCE -- Very well. Snow peas with delicate pearl onions or 
asparagus with hollandaise sauce?

PETER -- Parsley.

LANCE -- Parsley.

PETER -- With salt water. As a symbol of bitterness.

LANCE -- Uh huh. (pause) Then let me suggest my famous 
home-baked french bread, tender, moist, and flavorful inside 
with a light flakey crust.

PETER -- We need unleavened bread. 

LANCE -- Unleavened bread.

PETER -- Yes. At the time of passover, the Jews didn't have time 
to wait for their bread to rise. They had to leave Egypt in a 
hurry, you know.

LANCE -- Well, passover is no excuse to be dull, big fellow. Let 
me suggest a light rose' wine, I have a perfect vintage for...

PETER -- Heavy red wine... will be fine. The wine is a symbol of 

LANCE -- You know, you're not giving me much to work with here.

PETER -- We don't need much. 

BOTH --- It's Passover.

LANCE -- I know, so you've told me. Well, there must be some way 
I can liven up this meal for you.

PETER -- There's not much reason to celebrate. This is Jesus' 
last supper.

LANCE -- Well! A going away party! Then, let me decorate the 
room for you: a few bouquets of zinnias and hydrangeas.... 
Balloons and streamers, perhaps?

PETER -- That won't be necessary.

LANCE -- Let me guess. It's Passover?

PETER -- No. The fact is, Jesus is going to die tomorrow. 

LANCE -- Oh.

PETER -- So, you'll have everything ready for us by sundown 

LANCE -- Yes, I'm sure I will. 

PETER -- Thank you. I'm sure Jesus will be very grateful.

LANCE -- Say I hope you won't think I'm be too presumptuous, but 
who is catering the funeral?

PETER -- We'll talk about it later.

LANCE -- I visualize a bouquet of anthuriums and a tasteful ice 
sculpture as a center piece.

PETER -- Later.

LANCE -- Okay, Okay, so we don't have to be real fancy. How 
about a tray of cold cuts and some goose liver patte'? 

PETER -- (afar) Goodbye.

LANCE -- (fading) Okay, okay. How about cream puffs with locks 
and bagels? Kiwi fruits are coming into season. Where are you 
going? We haven't talked about the sweet tray yet?

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