BACK PHARISEE 5'2m0f The parable of the Pharisee and tax collector ED -- And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's parable is from Luke chapter 18, beginning at verse 10. "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector...." FRED -- (door opens) You know I could have given Jesus a few pointers on storytelling. ED -- Why do you always interrupt? FRED -- This parable needs something. ED -- Be careful, you're talking about the son of God here. FRED -- Hey, I took a creative writing class. You think Jesus ever took a creative writing class? ED -- Well,... FRED -- I think not. Now about this miserable excuse for literature. ED -- The parable. FRED -- No substance, no character development, no subplots and worst of all, no climax. It doesn't go anywhere! It's like a joke without a punch line. ED -- Jesus was trying to make a point... FRED -- If this was a house for sale, the real estate agent would call it a fixer-upper. ED -- I can't believe you're actually thinking about .. FRED -- That's right, a complete rewrite. Why are you hiding under the desk? ED -- (afar) When God strikes you with lightning, I don't want to get struck by a stray bolt. FRED -- Alright. We won't do a COMPLETE rewrite. ED -- (afar) Sorry, I don't want any rewrite, at all. FRED -- Alright. We'll keep the parable intact. We'll just intersperse it with some literary elements. ED -- (afar) Why am I not comforted by those words? FRED -- What will it hurt to add a little subplot and a climax or two? I tell you what. You start reading the parable again, just the way it's written. It'll be alright. Honest. ED -- (approaching) Why don't you move your microphone over there to the other side of the room? FRED -- (approaching) Is this far enough? ED -- Okay. Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a pharisee, the other a tax collector. FRED -- The Pharisee, who looked like an innocent religious leader, was really the leader of an international ring of plutonium smugglers. ED -- Plutonium?! They didn't have nuclear weapons in those days. FRED -- See, there you go. I'm trying to give this story a little class and you're splitting hairs and picking nits. Where were we? ED -- Smuggling plutonium. FRED -- Oh, yes. (Clears throat) The tax collector found out about the smuggling plot while he was collecting taxes, so... ED -- (pause) What does it mean when you point at me? Did I do something wrong? FRED -- It means you're supposed to read more of the parable. ED -- Oh! Ah, the Pharisee stood up and prayed about himself: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other men-- robbers, evildoers, adulterers--or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.' But the tax collector stood at a distance... FRED -- ...and plotted to blackmail the Pharisee. ED -- You can't do that! In Jesus' parables, the tax collector was really repentant. That was the whole point of the parable. FRED -- Okay, Okay. I've got it. But the tax collector stood at a distance and... was really sorry that he was going to have to blackmail the Pharisee. ED -- Try again. FRED -- I wonder if Ernest Hemingway had to put up with this kind of censorship. ED -- You don't want to change the meaning of the parable do you? (fading) Maybe I'll just duck under this desk here. FRED -- Alright. Alright. Let's try this. The tax collector stood far off and confessed what he knew to another Pharisee, who plotted to blackmail the other guy. ED -- Oh, brother. FRED -- But the other guy recognized him as a conspirator who would assassinate the president. ED -- The president of first century Judea? FRED -- ...to assassinate the king. Much better. Everybody hated Herod, anyway. Much better. Where was I? ED -- You were assassinating a first century king because of nuclear weapons. FRED -- Yeah, Yeah,... Meanwhile, the tax collector... ED -- ... would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' FRED -- Now, we introduce the tax collector's love interest, who just happens to be the Pharisee's daughter. Ah, let's see... ED -- Tune in next time for another edition of Parable on Parade. FRED -- Wait a minute! We're not done yet. What about the ending? ED -- The end. ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |