BACK PREGNANT 4'3m1f The barber shop guys hear that Mary is Pregnant (door opens, bell jingle) FRED ---- Morning, Charlie. (door closes) CHARLIE - Morning, Fred. The usual? FRED ---- Just take a little off the side today, huh, Charlie? CHARLIE - Sure. (clipping noises) FRED ---- Hey, Charlie, did you hear about Joseph's girl friend? Knocked up? FRED ---- Higher than a kite. CHARLIE - (whispers) Quiet! Here comes Joseph! (door opens, bell jingles) JOE ----- Hi, Charlie. Good morning, Fred. (door closes) CHARLIE - Good morning, Joseph. FRED ---- Helllloooo, Joseph! JOE ----- What. Do I have something in my teeth? CHARLIE - Do you have anything to tell us, Joseph? JOE ----- Excuse me? CHARLIE - The bun in the oven? FRED ---- Don't play dumb, you rabbit killer. JOE ----- Oh. The baby. Nobody was suppose to know... CHARLIE - You sly dog. JOE ----- Oh, you think I... FRED ---- You ain't gonna deny it, are you Joseph? JOE ----- Ah, well,... no. She claims it's gonna be a boy. CHARLIE - It takes a real man to make a boy. FRED ---- Alright! You dog! I didn't know you had it in you! JOE ----- Nothing to it. (door opens, bell jingles) MARY ---- Oh, there you are, Joseph. JOE ----- Mary, what are you doing here? MARY ---- Joseph, the Rabbi wants us to... CHARLIE - Is this the little lady, Joseph? FRED ---- Aren't you going to introduce us, Joseph? JOE ----- Ah, yes, of course. Mary, this is Fred and Charlie. (door closes) MARY ---- How do you do. JOE ----- Sorry, guys, gotta go. FRED ---- Congratulations, little mother. MARY ---- Joseph, you told them about the baby? JOE ----- Well, I, ah,... MARY ---- Joseph, they might not understand. CHARLIE - Understand what? JOE ----- We should go. FRED ---- Understand what, Joseph? JOE ----- We really have to go. The Rabbi is waiting. CHARLIE - How did you know that the baby would be a boy, Mary? JOE ----- We really don't have time to get into that now... MARY ---- The angel Gabriel told me. JOE ----- We really should go... FRED ---- You were visited by an angel? MARY ---- Yes, didn't Joseph tell you? CHARLIE - Joseph never said anything about an angel. JOE ----- It was just an oversight. MARY ---- Joseph has never been much for details. See, the angel Gabriel... JOE ----- It's a long story. Maybe another time. MARY ---- It's not Joseph's baby. CHARLIE & FRED - Not Joseph's baby?! CHARLIE - Joseph! I can't believe you took credit for somebody else's handywork. FRED ---- I hope you're not considering marrying this tart, Joseph. JOE ----- Well, yes. We're on the way to see the Rabbi now. Let's go, Mary. MARY ---- You should have told them, Joseph. CHARLIE - Told us what? FRED ---- Charlie, take this sheet off me so I can go to the temple and get some men to stone this adultress to death. JOE ----- I don't think you understand... FRED ---- Charlie, do you know where we can get some large rocks? MARY ---- Tell them, Joseph. CHARLIE - Tell us what? JOE ----- This isn't what you think. CHARLIE - Right. And all along we thought that you... JOE ----- Mary is still a virgin. CHARLIE - Right. JOE ----- The baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit. CHARLIE - Right. FRED ---- Charlie, take this sheet off me. I got a stoning to do. MARY ---- You can ask my cousin Elizabeth and her husband Zechariah. They're having a baby at about the same time that mine is due. He's a miracle baby too. Just ask them. CHARLIE - Right. FRED ---- I haven't stoned anybody in weeks. CHARLIE - Wait a minute, Fred. If Joseph wants to marry her and make it legal, who are we to judge? FRED ---- You really gonna marry this bimbo, Joseph? JOE ----- We'll, yes, I.... MARY ---- That reminds me. We have an appointment with the Rabbi. JOE ----- Yes, let's get out of here. (Door opens, bell jingles) FRED ---- See you later, Romeo. CHARLIE - Good bye, stud. (door closes) FRED ---- Quiet! Here comes Zechariah! (Door opens, bell jingles) ZECHARIAH - Hi, Charlie. Good morning, Fred. CHARLIE - Good morning, Zechariah. (Door closes) FRED ---- Helllloooo, Zechariah. ZECHARIAH - What. Do I have something in my teeth? CHARLIE - Do you have anything to tell us, Zechariah? ZECHARIAH - Excuse me? CHARLIE - The bun in the oven? FRED ---- Don't play dumb, you rabbit killer. ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |