BACK SIMEON 6'2m0f A hollywood producer puts glitz on Christmas LESTER -- (afar) In here, you say? (shouts) Hello? Is anyone in here? SIMEON -- Be quiet. Your in the temple of the Lord. LESTER -- (afar) Sorry, I was looking for an old guy named Simeon. SIMEON -- I beg your pardon! LESTER -- (approaching) Sorry, again. I assumed you would be an old guy with white robes and flowing grey hair, you know, just like in the movies. SIMEON -- Okay, you found me. What do you want? LESTER -- They said the Holy Spirit told you that you would soon see the Messiah. SIMEON -- That's true. So? LESTER -- Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Lester Goldbaum of Goldbaum productions. We, my company, would like to handle the production. SIMEON -- Production? What production? LESTER -- You know, the music, the dancers, the fireworks, even the TV coverage. SIMEON -- TV coverage? LESTER -- Yes. This will be one of the hottest events of the decade, you know. I thought we'd call it the TRIUMPHAL ENTRY. SIMEON -- You're a little early for that. The triumphal entry comes about 30 years from now. LESTER -- Huh? SIMEON -- Nevermind. Look, what do you want from me? LESTER -- Well, we just worked up some ideas for the production. I thought I'd run them by you. SIMEON -- Can you make it snappy? I'm only half way through my prayer list. LESTER -- Sure. First we thought we'd build a staircase to the top of the wall of the temple's outer court, lined with seven rows of seven white grand pianos. You know, the number seven, the number of perfection? SIMEON -- Oh, glory. LESTER -- I'm glad you like it. Then, we'll have the combined choirs from all the local colleges and high schools, dressed in white robes, singing "Amazing Grace". SIMEON -- An old Jewish favorite. LESTER -- Then as the combine marching bands from all over Jerusalem form three concentric stars of David, and the card section spells out "WELCOME SAVIOR", and fireworks go off right at the top of the stairway, the house lights dim and the Messiah slowly descends the stairs, as the choir belts out "Just a Closer Walk With Thee". What do you think? SIMEON -- Great, except he's coming to earth in Bethlehem. LESTER -- But, that's eight miles away. There's only a few thousand people in the whole town. There's no temple, no stadium. There's hardly any hotel rooms. SIMEON -- Nothing gets by you does it? LESTER -- Is there any way you can ask him to change his arrival plans? SIMEON -- Sorry, he already promised in writing, in the book of Isaiah. LESTER -- Okay. Okay. I've got it! We'll build a helipad on top of the staircase. We'll air lift him over here to Jerusalem as soon as he sets foot in Bethlehem. No problem. SIMEON -- No problem, if he were going to SET FOOT in Bethlehem. LESTER -- There's still plenty of time to have him descend the stairs and deliver his inaugural address on prime time TV. More dramatic by helicopter don't you think? Search lights combing the sky for the savior's helicopter... SIMEON -- Of course, you'd have to get parental consent. LESTER -- We could do a remote feed from Bethlehem as he boards the helicopter, then while we're waiting the helicopter to arrive here in Jerusalem, we could do one of those up-close-and-personal sidebars ...parental Consent? Did you say parental consent? SIMEON -- Yes, he'll be born of a virgin, wrapped in cloths and laying in a feeding trough when your helicopter comes to whisk him away. LESTER -- Born? You mean, he'll be just a baby? SIMEON -- I believe the correct term is NEONATE. LESTER -- What about descending the stairs? What about the inaugural speech? SIMEON -- He should be ready for his first public address at about age twelve. LESTER -- But when they said that you were waiting for him to come into the temple I thought... (snaps fingers) I've got it! We'll scale down the pageantry a little. Make it strictly solemn and religious, like a coronation. Five unobtrusive camera locations, pipe organ music. We keep the combined choirs. Lose the marching bands and the card section. We can still have the helicopter shot and the mother and father descending the staircase and presenting the baby to you. To you... what DO you do? SIMEON -- I kiss the child and sing a brief song unto the Lord, then we surgically remove the foreskin from the child's.... LESTER -- On national television?! Well, maybe we should scale this way down. Maybe just a remote broadcast showing the baby immediately after birth, being visited by well wishers. Do you have a list of visitors? SIMEON -- No. It'll be a few of the child's family. But most of the visitors will be shepherds. LESTER -- Shepherds. Dirty, smelly, uneducated shepherds? SIMEON -- Sure. They're the only ones who will be awake at the time of night when the savior is born. LESTER -- You mean, he's not going to be born in prime time? SIMEON -- Sorry. LESTER -- Well, we could do interviews for the morning news shows. What about royalty, government officials, temple leaders, you know, people who'd make a good on camera interview? SIMEON -- They'd like to have the baby killed. They see him as a threat to their own rule. LESTER -- This isn't what I wanted at all. SIMEON -- I tell you what, in about 30 years the savior will be ready to begin his ministry down by the Jordan River. Check with a fellow named John who'll be doing the savior's advance work. LESTER -- The savior already has a public relations man? SIMEON -- In a manner of speaking. Anyway, he'll be able to answer any questions you may have about the savior's ministry. LESTER -- Good. Maybe John and I can do lunch. SIMEON -- Sure. If you like wild honey and LOCUSTS. LESTER -- Wild honey and (gulp) locusts? (fading) I think I'm going to be sick. (door open, close) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |