SIMEON   6'2m0f A hollywood producer puts glitz on Christmas
LESTER -- (afar) In here, you say? (shouts) Hello? Is anyone in 

SIMEON -- Be quiet. Your in the temple of the Lord.

LESTER -- (afar) Sorry, I was looking for an old guy named 

SIMEON -- I beg your pardon!

LESTER -- (approaching) Sorry, again. I assumed you would be an 
old guy with white robes and flowing grey hair, you know, just 
like in the movies.

SIMEON -- Okay, you found me. What do you want?

LESTER -- They said the Holy Spirit told you that you would soon 
see the Messiah.

SIMEON -- That's true. So?

LESTER -- Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Lester Goldbaum of 
Goldbaum productions. We, my company, would like to handle the 

SIMEON -- Production? What production?

LESTER -- You know, the music, the dancers, the fireworks, even 
the TV coverage.

SIMEON -- TV coverage?

LESTER -- Yes. This will be one of the hottest events of the 
decade, you know. I thought we'd call it the TRIUMPHAL ENTRY.

SIMEON -- You're a little early for that. The triumphal entry 
comes about 30 years from now.

LESTER -- Huh?

SIMEON -- Nevermind. Look, what do you want from me?

LESTER -- Well, we just worked up some ideas for the production. 
I thought I'd run them by you.

SIMEON -- Can you make it snappy? I'm only half way through my 
prayer list.

LESTER -- Sure. First we thought we'd build a staircase to the 
top of the wall of the temple's outer court, lined with seven 
rows of seven white grand pianos. You know, the number seven, 
the number of perfection?

SIMEON -- Oh, glory.

LESTER -- I'm glad you like it. Then, we'll have the combined 
choirs from all the local colleges and high schools, dressed in 
white robes, singing "Amazing Grace".

SIMEON -- An old Jewish favorite.

LESTER -- Then as the combine marching bands from all over 
Jerusalem form three concentric stars of David, and the card 
section spells out "WELCOME SAVIOR", and fireworks go off right 
at the top of the stairway, the house lights dim and the Messiah 
slowly descends the stairs, as the choir belts out "Just a 
Closer Walk With Thee". What do you think?

SIMEON -- Great, except he's coming to earth in Bethlehem.

LESTER -- But, that's eight miles away. There's only a few 
thousand people in the whole town. There's no temple, no 
stadium. There's hardly any hotel rooms.

SIMEON -- Nothing gets by you does it?

LESTER -- Is there any way you can ask him to change his arrival 

SIMEON -- Sorry, he already promised in writing, in the book of 

LESTER -- Okay. Okay. I've got it! We'll build a helipad on top 
of the staircase. We'll air lift him over here to Jerusalem as 
soon as he sets foot in Bethlehem. No problem.

SIMEON -- No problem, if he were going to SET FOOT in Bethlehem.

LESTER -- There's still plenty of time to have him descend the 
stairs and deliver his inaugural address on prime time TV. More 
dramatic by helicopter don't you think? Search lights combing 
the sky for the savior's helicopter...

SIMEON -- Of course, you'd have to get parental consent.

LESTER -- We could do a remote feed from Bethlehem as he boards 
the helicopter, then while we're waiting the helicopter to 
arrive here in Jerusalem, we could do one of those 
up-close-and-personal sidebars ...parental Consent? Did you say 
parental consent?

SIMEON -- Yes, he'll be born of a virgin, wrapped in cloths and 
laying in a feeding trough when your helicopter comes to whisk 
him away. 

LESTER -- Born? You mean, he'll be just a baby?

SIMEON -- I believe the correct term is NEONATE.

LESTER -- What about descending the stairs? What about the 
inaugural speech?

SIMEON -- He should be ready for his first public address at 
about age twelve.

LESTER -- But when they said that you were waiting for him to 
come into the temple I thought... (snaps fingers) I've got it! 
We'll scale down the pageantry a little. Make it strictly solemn 
and religious, like a coronation. Five unobtrusive camera 
locations, pipe organ music. We keep the combined choirs. Lose 
the marching bands and the card section. We can still have the 
helicopter shot and the mother and father descending the 
staircase and presenting the baby to you. To you... what DO you 

SIMEON -- I kiss the child and sing a brief song unto the Lord, 
then we surgically remove the foreskin from the child's....

LESTER -- On national television?! Well, maybe we should scale 
this way down. Maybe just a remote broadcast showing the baby 
immediately after birth, being visited by well wishers. Do you 
have a list of visitors?

SIMEON -- No. It'll be a few of the child's family. But most of 
the visitors will be shepherds.

LESTER -- Shepherds. Dirty, smelly, uneducated shepherds?

SIMEON -- Sure. They're the only ones who will be awake at the 
time of night when the savior is born.

LESTER -- You mean, he's not going to be born in prime time?

SIMEON -- Sorry.

LESTER -- Well, we could do interviews for the morning news 
shows. What about royalty, government officials, temple leaders, 
you know, people who'd make a good on camera interview?

SIMEON -- They'd like to have the baby killed. They see him as a 
threat to their own rule.

LESTER -- This isn't what I wanted at all.

SIMEON -- I tell you what, in about 30 years the savior will be 
ready to begin his ministry down by the Jordan River. Check with 
a fellow named John who'll be doing the savior's advance work.

LESTER -- The savior already has a public relations man?

SIMEON -- In a manner of speaking. Anyway, he'll be able to 
answer any questions you may have about the savior's ministry.

LESTER -- Good. Maybe John and I can do lunch.

SIMEON -- Sure. If you like wild honey and LOCUSTS.

LESTER -- Wild honey and (gulp) locusts? (fading) I think I'm 
going to be sick. 

(door open, close)

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