BACK WATCHFUL 5'2m0f The parable of the watchful homeowner ED -- And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's parable comes from Luke chapter 12 beginning at verse 39. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what hour the thief was coming, he would not have let his house be broken into. You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him. (drill noise) What are you doing? FRED -- Who me? ED -- Is there anyone else in the studio? FRED -- Oh, yeah. Well, I'm getting ready. ED -- Ready? Ready for what? FRED -- For the thief in the night. That parable has me really scared. ED -- Scared? Scared about what? FRED -- Getting broken into. ED -- So, that explains why you're installing a bucket over the door? FRED -- This is not just a bucket. It's burglar protection. See I can only watch over the studio 16 hours a day. The other 8 hours I need to sleep. I can't be here while I'm sleeping, ergo, we need burglar protection. ED -- Okay, so assuming that I understand that you need burglar protection, why the bucket? FRED -- Well, I don't have much money to fortify this place, so I'm protecting this studio with pure ingenuity. ED -- Why am I not comforted by your shear ingenuity? FRED -- The world is full of skeptics, but it is nearly devoid of geniouses like me. I assure you that when I get through, this studio will be impenetrable to burglars. Now where can I find a power cord? ED -- A power cord, for what? FRED -- (afar) Oh, yes, this one will do. ED -- You're not going to cut the power cord off my desk lamp? How am I going to read my scripts. Wait a minute. You'd better unplug it.... FRED -- (snip, zzzzzz) Ughughughughughughugh. Turururn iyiyiyit owowowowoff! ED -- (click) There. Are you alright? FRED -- Never better. Now if I can just get my body to stop twitching... ED -- You've ruined a perfectly good lamp! FRED -- Yes, and I thank you for your contribution to security. Now, I attach the loose ends of these wires to the door knob. And, when the burglar tries to open the door, well you know... ED -- Yes. We've already seen how effective electric shock can be. FRED -- Now we put this bucket of water up here over the door. So, just in case the burglar gets by the door knob, this trip wire will pull five gallons of water down on his head. ED -- Is all this really necessary? We could... FRED -- Please, I'm not finished. Then, in case just the burglar is not scared off by the water, he will undoubtedly try to steal our expensive microphones or our expensive rack of sound components. ED -- There's no way I can't talk you out... FRED -- Well, if he does, look what I have waiting for him. Attached to my microphone is a trip wire that releases five gallons of tar, then a bushel of feathers from the ceiling panel above. ED -- Won't that ruin our microphones? FRED -- It's the principle of the thing. Would you like me to booby-trap your microphone too? ED -- No, thanks. FRED -- But wait. There's more! If the burglar goes for the rack of sound components... ED -- Wo to him, huh? FRED -- You bet. This innocent looking amplifier on top of the stack of components is no amplifier at all. It's a flame thrower. That'll fry his grits! ED -- And, of course, you're not worried about what a flame thrower will do to all this sound equipment? FRED -- Casualties of the war on crime, my boy. ED -- Just one question. FRED -- Fire away. ED -- How are WE supposed to get into the studio after you've booby trapped it? FRED -- You take me for a fool? ED -- Well, actually... FRED -- ...It was a rhetorical question. Naturally, I have thought of that. I will now activate all these ingenious booby traps and then demonstrate the entry procedure. Watch carefully. ED -- If you don't mind, I'll just take my microphone and step outside to watch the demonstration. FRED -- Don't you want to see how I deactivate everything? ED -- I prefer to remember you just the way you are now. FRED -- Suit yourself, after you. ED -- Thank you. Alright, we're both outside the studio. You may proceed. FRED -- I have already activated the other booby traps inside the studio. I now activate the final two booby traps... like... that... and... that... (door close) Voila! All booby traps are now armed and ready to stop even the most stealthy burglar in his tracks. ED -- And now, the ultimate test. FRED -- We safely reenter the studio. (door open, zzzzzzzzzz) ogogogogogogogo! (splash, inaudible mumbling, door close) (afar) Aaaaaah! (crash) Ooooo! (crash) Uuuuu. (shuffle) Ooooh! (roar) Aaaaaaa! ED -- Tune in next time for the next edition of Parable on Parade. FRED -- (open door, exhausted, afar) Okay, all the booby traps are disarmed. You can come in now. ED -- (afar) Wouldn't it have been easier to just lock the door? FRED -- (afar) There's a lock in the door? Well, I'll be... ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |