BACK ACHAN 4'2m0f Achan takes some Jericho plunder for himself ACHAN --- Joshua, how can you just sit there while 3000 of your men battle for the city of Ai? JOSHUA -- Because I'm confident in the Lord, Achan. Besides, now that we've conquered Jericho, 3000 men for Ai is probably 2000 too many. Ai is so small, its name has only 2 letters. Ai is so small that the city limit signs for both ends of town are on the same post. Ai is so small, I spent three weeks there one night. Ai is so small... (door open) ACHAN --- I hate to spoil your fun, Joshua, but here comes the runner with a message from Ai. Here you read it. I'm too nervous. JOSHUA -- Achan, why are you so nervous? Ai is so small that the town gossip has noone to tell. Ai is so small that... ACHAN --- Please, Joshua, just read the message. JOSHUA -- Sure, Achan, anything you say. It says, "All is lost. The Lord is not with us. Ai has killed us all." ACHAN --- I knew it. JOSHUA -- Knew what? ACHAN --- Nothing. JOSHUA -- Looks like Ai is not as small as I thought. I wonder why, after such a resounding victory in a big city like Jericho, we got pounded by such a one-horse town as Ai. ACHAN --- Don't look at me. JOSHUA -- Why, what do you mean by that? I didn't accuse you of anything. ACHAN --- Ah, I was just making conversation. Yeah, that's it. I was just making conversation. So, tell me, how small is Ai? JOSHUA -- Achan, we lost 3000 men at Ai. This is no joking matter. The Lord would never do this to us... unless... someone sinned against the Lord. ACHAN --- Gee, I just remembered, I left something on the stove. JOSHUA -- Achan? ACHAN --- Yes, Joshua? JOSHUA -- What do you know about this? ACHAN --- Nothing. I'd love to stay and chat, but... JOSHUA -- You know something about this, but you're not saying. ACHAN --- Me? (forced laugh) I don't know anything. I was the smartest one in the dumb class. JOSHUA -- Spill it. ACHAN --- What would you say if you knew someone who, you know, sort of borrowed a little tiny bit of the plunder from Jericho? JOSHUA -- You mean someone took some of the plunder from Jericho that we dedicated to the Lord? ACHAN --- Well, just suppose that this hypothetical person took the tiniest little bit of plunder for himself. JOSHUA -- Okay, just supposing. How much did he take, hypothetically? ACHAN --- Well, hypothetically, suppose this person took a purple Babylonian robe, 200 shekels of silver and 20 measly shekels of gold. JOSHUA -- 20 shekels of gold?! ACHAN --- Alright, so it was 50 shekels! I mean, let's suppose it was 50 shekels of gold... that this hypothetical person took, hypothetically. JOSHUA -- From the Lord. ACHAN --- It sounds worse when you say it. Well, what would you do with a person like that? JOSHUA -- We'd have to stone him to death and burn his body. ACHAN --- Well, it's a good thing I don't know anyone like that, isn't it? JOSHUA -- You did it. ACHAN --- Huh? JOSHUA -- I said, you did it. ACHAN --- Me? No, I was, ah,.. I was vacationing in Puerto Villarta at the time. JOSHUA -- There's no such resort as Puerto Villarta, yet. ACHAN --- Mazitlan? JOSHUA -- Nice try. ACHAN --- Oh, gee, look at the time. I have an appointment with the dentist. JOSHUA -- Nice try. There are no dentists in Israel, yet. ACHAN --- Hey, you want to hear how small Ai is? JOSHUA -- (shouts) Okay, everybody, pick up a rock. ACHAN --- (Fading) Ai is so small that if anyone checks out two books, they have to close the library. Ai is so small that the golf club is a nine iron. Ai is so small that they have to take turns being the town drunk. And when he's in jail the town band is a solo. (rocks fall) ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |