BACK ADPITCH 5'2m?f Two ad men pitch a publishing offer to Moses HARRY -- Thanks for coming, Mr Moses. Have a seat right here. Ready when you are, Larry. LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. Mr Moses we were sorry to hear that your brother couldn't make it here today. We understand that you need him along side because you have a, ah... a, ah.... HARRY -- Speech impediment, Larry? LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. A speech impediment. Feel free to communicate through Harry, here, as you would through your brother, ah.... through your brother, ah.... HARRY -- That's Aaron, Larry. LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. Aaron. Yes, of course. Anyway, let us get right to the point, Mr Moses. We think you are sitting on a veritable gold mine here, Mr Moses. We here at the public relations firm of Harry, Larry, Barry, Mary, Sherry, Carry, Cherry, Terry, Jerry and Gary have examined your manuscripts thoroughly. We think there's enormous potential in the market place for books like these. We think that if you play your cards right, Mr Moses, you could make yourself a lot of rubles. HARRY -- That's shekels, Larry. LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. There's a lot of shekels to be made from these books. And here is our strategy: we publish your first book, ah... your first book, ah... HARRY -- That's the Genesis, Larry. LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. We publish the book of Genesis just before Christmas and sew up the gift market, launching your career as successful author. HARRY -- Then in March we publish Genesis as a paperback. We see a hard-hitting nationwide ad campaign that would sound something like this: (announcer's enunciation) LARRY -- Now in paperback from Bantam Books HARRY -- From the author of the ten commandments LARRY -- From the man who parted the Red Sea HARRY -- Moses brings you LARRY -- (Reverberating) Genesis HARRY -- The book everybody has been talking about LARRY -- A spectacular saga HARRY -- Every word is true, but stranger than fiction LARRY -- You'll read about unabashed nudity in the garden HARRY -- The killer flood LARRY -- Eight survivors trapped on a boat with wild animals HARRY -- Lust and moral decay in two cities that are later devastated LARRY -- Leaving only two survivors. Then, later, HARRY -- A father is about to sacrifice his own son in a bazaar religious ritual LARRY -- All this and more in (Reverberating) GENESIS by Moses HARRY -- Now at your local news stand LARRY -- Or at a book store near you (regular voices) HARRY -- Well, Mr Moses, what do you think? (pauses) Larry, he wants to publish all five books in one volume. LARRY -- We've heard that concept before, Mr Moses. The volume would be called the ah... the ah... HARRY -- The Bible, Larry? LARRY -- Rights you are, Harry, the Bible. HARRY -- But we think there's more potential in separate volumes, Mr Moses. LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. Now after all five books have been published, we see a ready market out there for the sophisticated collector. HARRY -- Again, we see a nationwide ad campaign. But this time a little more subdued and elegant. (announcer's voice) LARRY -- At last, collectables that are both good looking and useful. Now, from Franklin Mint, in top grain leather with 24 karat gold embossing, all five books of the legendary author, Moses. Every page is edged with real gold. Highest quality materials and workmanship thoughout. Each volume is filled with exciting stories for you to read and to share with your family and friends. Put this beautiful volume on your coffee table and your guests will marvel at your historical expertise and your good taste. HARRY -- (hillbilly voice) Oh, look, Mildred, the gold bound edition of the books of Moses. These people have good taste! (regular voices) LARRY -- Well, what do you think, Mr Moses? HARRY -- Mr Moses says he's not interested in collectables, Larry. LARRY -- Wait, there's more. Now we're ready for the lucrative kids market. We picture an advertising blitz on Saturday morning television that will sound something like this: HARRY -- (Frantic) At last from KTEL all five books of Moses now on cassette or CD, featuring your favorite voices. Here's Bugs Bunny reading the book of Genesis: LARRY -- Neyah...in da beginnin' God created de heavens and the de oyt. HARRY -- Here's the book of Exodus featuring Goofy: LARRY -- Ayup, oh ahyup. Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, ahyup. HARRY -- Here's Scooby Doo and the book of Leviticus: LARRY -- Ruf Ruf Ruf, Ruf Ruf Ruf Ruf. HARRY -- Yes, all these favorites and more can be yours for $8.99 per cassette or $12.99 per compact disk. But, buy all five tapes now and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives. Now how much would you pay!? LARRY -- Frankly, Mr Moses, we thought the only thing that would keep us from a best seller in the kids market was the book of Leviticus. It's a little dry. We thought a teensy rewrite would be in order before we go to press.... HARRY -- Excuse, me Larry, Mr Moses here says he's not interested in the kids market. LARRY -- Wait there's more. Next we attack the teen video market on MTV. We are currently in contract negotiations with Michael Jackson and Madonna to play Abraham and Sarah. HARRY -- (afar) Wait. Wait Mr Moses, please don't leave. Mr Moses, please. He's gone, Larry. LARRY -- (afar) Right you are, Harry. Let's do lunch. ©2013 Bob Snook. 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