JOSHUA   3'2m0f Joshua's battle plans are a bit unorthodox

(knock, knock, knock, door open)

CAPTAIN -- You wanted to see me, General Joshua?

JOSHUA --- Oh, yes, Captain. Please come in. Sit down.

CAPTAIN -- Thank you, Sir. I assume this meeting is about the 
battle plans for our invasion of the promised land tomorrow, 

JOSHUA --- Yes, Captain, that's correct. As you know, the land 
that was promised to us through Abraham, Isaac and Jacob is now 
inhabited by seven different nations.

CAPTAIN -- Uh huh.

JOSHUA --- And we have to assume that they're not going to just 
up and move out just because we say the land belongs to us. 
These are some of the meanest, most violent pagans in the world, 

CAPTAIN -- My men and I are looking forward to engaging the 
enemy, General Joshua. They're all just aching for a good fight. 
I assume our first objective will be the city of Jericho. Right, 

JOSHUA --- That's is correct.

CAPTAIN -- Well, our spies said it was a highly fortified city 
with an impenetrable wall. But if we lay siege to it, we should 
be able to wear them down and starve them out in six or eight 

JOSHUA --- Actually, Captain, the Lord told me that he would 
hand the city over to us in seven days.

CAPTAIN -- Seven days! Alright! Well, I suppose I should get my 
men building ladders and siege works.

JOSHUA --- That won't be necessary.

CAPTAIN -- Then would you like me to draw up a perimeter 
security plan? Nothing gets in or out of the city. We cut off 
the supplies into the city and kill anyone who tries to leave.

JOSHUA --- That won't be necessary either, Captain.

CAPTAIN -- I don't understand.

JOSHUA --- What the Lord had in mind was for us to march around 
the city once a day for six days in a row. Then, on the seventh 
day, we march around the city seven times.

CAPTAIN -- Oh, I see! The psychological approach. Well, in that 
case, the men and I could sing some marching songs that will put 
fear into the hearts of those pagans.

JOSHUA --- No songs.

CAPTAIN -- Aw come on!

JOSHUA --- The Lord, says we're to be completely silent for all 
the marches.

CAPTAIN -- What kind of psychological warfare is that?

JOSHUA --- Would you rather lay siege to Jericho and wait six or 
eighth weeks?

CAPTAIN -- Alright, if the Lord says it'll work, who am I? But 
on the seventh day, my men will be champing at the bit to break 
down the gates and advance on the enemy. I'll get them started 
making battering rams.

JOSHUA --- That won't be necessary, either.

CAPTAIN -- Well, how do we get in to engage the enemy if we 
don't knock down the gates or build ladders?

JOSHUA --- We shout.

CAPTAIN -- Excuse me?

JOSHUA --- I said, after the seventh march around the city on 
the seventh day, we all shout.

CAPTAIN -- That's it? We yell at them?! You think you're going 
to nag them into opening the gates?

JOSHUA --- Would you rather lay siege to the city and wait six 
or eight weeks?

CAPTAIN -- Alright, General, I assume the Lord knows what he's 
doing. But those people are ruthless. They love to skin their 
captives alive and watch them squirm. Surely even HE can't 
expect the people like that to just give up in seven days.

JOSHUA --- No. The walls of the city will fall down.

CAPTAIN -- (laughs) Right. The strongest and thickest city walls 
in the world and they're just going to fall down when we shout 
at them. That's funny. (laughs, quits) You're not joking.

JOSHUA --- If the Lord says it, it will happen.

CAPTAIN -- You're serious. Well, I'd better brief my men. We 
should all be across the river in plenty of time for our first 
march around the city at noon tomorrow.

JOSHUA --- Well, there was just one small operation we have to 
take care of first.

CAPTAIN -- Operation? What operation? Oh, you mean, we have to 
knock out their sentry stations and sniper locations?

JOSHUA --- No. The OPERATION I was referring to was a little 
less heroic.

CAPTAIN -- Well, you name it, General. My men are prepared for 

JOSHUA --- Circumcision.

CAPTAIN -- Circumcision?

JOSHUA --- Circumcision.

CAPTAIN -- General Joshua, I thought I had read all the the 
books on military strategy. But I've never heard of 

JOSHUA --- (fading) Come with me, then, Captain, you can be the 
first one.

CAPTAIN -- (afar) The first what? 
(door close)


(open door) 

JOSHUA --- Next.

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