BACK KORAH 4'0m2f Korah rebels against Moses' leadership (footsteps in sand) ETHEL ---- (Bronx accent, panting) Where are you taking us, Natasha? NATASHA -- (Romanian gypsy) Patience, darrrlinG, we'rrre almost therrre. ETHEL ---- You didn't say nothin' about having to walk when we paid you the 10 drachmas. How far to we have to walk, anyways? NATASHA -- Just to the top of this hill, darrrlinG, wherrre you vill be able watch to me do my magic amonG yourrr own people below. ETHEL ---- (pants) Alright, honey, we can see the entire encampment from here. Now let's see a magic show we paid for. NATASHA -- Patience, darrrlinG, you can't rush genius. ETHEL ---- Honey, at 10 drachmas each, the 30 of us paid you a total of 300 drachmas. For 300 hundred drachmas we can rush genius a little. NATASHA -- Therrre! It's beginninG to happen. ETHEL ---- What, you mean, Moses and Aaron are lying face down in the dirt? That's not magic. They do that every time they pray. Give us our money back. NATASHA -- No, darrrlinG, vatch ze thrrree men in frrront of Aarrron and Moses. ETHEL ---- Who? You mean Korah? NATASHA -- Yes, darrrlinG, and Dathan and Abirrram. They have been rebellious, so I vill now cause ze earth to open up und swallow zem. (roar) See? Is zat magic or vhat? ETHEL ---- How did you do that? NATASHA -- It's all in ze wrrrrist, darrrlinG. Now, Look overrr zer. ETHEL ---- Where? You mean over there, where Moses and Aaron are laying face down in the dirt again? NATASHA -- No, no, silly voman, look in frrront of Moses and Aarrron. The 250 men holding lanterrrns. ETHEL ---- Those aren't lanterns, honey. Those are censors. They burn incense to the Lord. NATASHA -- I knew zat. Anyvays, those men are also rrrebellious. So, I vill now send firrre from ze sky unt burn zose men to a crrrisp. (roar) ETHEL ---- I think I'm going to be sick. How did you do that? NATASHA -- Vait, zere's morrre. Look over zere. See ze mob gathering at ze tent of meeting? ETHEL ---- Yes, there must be thousands of them. NATASHA -- Zey are rrrebellious too. ETHEL ---- Look, Moses and Aaron are over there now, laying flat on their faces in the dust again. Is that part of your magic act? NATASHA -- Pay no attention to zem, darrrlinG. Pay attention to my magic. I vill now strrrike down 17000 of ze rebellious people vis ze plague. (group moaning) ETHEL ---- They're dropping like flies. How did you do that? NATASHA -- Boy, I'm good! I should rrraise my rrrates. Okay, zat's ze show for today. Tell your friends about Madame Natasha's magic show. I'll do a matinee on Sunday. ETHEL ---- Hey, wait a minute. Everywhere you did your magic, Moses and Aaron were there too, lying face down in the dirt. NATASHA -- Strrrickly coincidence, darrrlinG. ETHEL ---- By the way, didn't I see you hanging around the tents of Moses and Aaron this morning? NATASHA -- No. You must have mistaken me for someone else. ETHEL ---- How many Romanian gypsies do you see hanging around the Hebrew camp, honey? NATASHA -- I just rrrememberrred. I have an appointment. ETHEL ---- Not so fast, there, Honey. I saw you peeking into their tents during their prayers to the Lord, didn't I? NATASHA -- I... Oh, gee, I'm late. I really must... ETHEL ---- Hold on there, toots. It wasn't YOU doing those things, at all, was it, Honey? NATASHA -- God knows. ETHEL ---- Yes, he does. It was God doing all those things and YOU took credit for them and charged us 10 drachmas each. Give us our money back. NATASHA -- Stand back! Or I'll have ze grrround open up and svallow you too! ETHEL ---- I have nothing to fear, Honey, I didn't claim credit for doing the work that the Lord really did. NATASHA -- Alrrright, back off, ladies. Abrrra Kadabrrra. Hokus Pokus. The ground vill now open up and svallow... woooooooooooo! (roar) (footsteps in sand) ETHEL ---- (fading) Just my luck. The earth swallowed her up before I could get my money back. Š2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK