BACK NOAH 4'1m1f Noah breaks the news of the flood to his wife MRS -- (jewish mother, afar, shouts) Noah? Noah? NOAH -- (jewish father, aside) Oh, oh, here she comes. MRS -- (afar, shouts) Noah, Noah, where are you? NOAH -- I'm up here, my love. MRS -- (afar) So, this is the surprise you've been working on for all these years? NOAH -- Yes. MRS -- (afar) Wow! It's big. I love the windows along the top and the big door. But, frankly, Noah, I don't think we need a house this size. Our kids are all grown up. Hey, wait a minute. I'm 450 years old. If you were thinking about getting me pregnant again... NOAH -- No, no my sweet. It's not a house. But we will be vacationing in here for the next year. Come on up the ramp and take a look. MRS -- (approaching) Wow! This is big! Three floors. I like it. NOAH -- Yup, I built it exactly the way the Lord told me, right down to the last cubit. MRS -- What's a cubit? NOAH -- Nevermind. See all the rooms? You can choose any room you want to live in. MRS -- Why can't we just spread out. Criminy, we must have hundred of rooms here. NOAH -- Well, sugar dumpling, we're not exactly going to live here alone. MRS -- Oh, I get it. So, that's the surprise. Oh, Noah, what a great idea! You're opening a hotel! NOAH -- Well, not exactly, honey pumpkin. See, first the kids are moving in.... MRS -- Oh, no you don't! I don't mind Ham and Shem moving back in with us, but Japheth's wife is a terrible housekeeper. Inside a month, she'll have this place looking like a pig sty. NOAH -- (softly) You don't know the half of it. MRS -- What? NOAH -- Nothing, sugar cookie. So, you'd better start packing. We leave real soon. NOAH -- Leave? I thought you said we were moving in here. NOAH -- Well, it's a little hard to explain, sugar lips. MRS -- Try me. NOAH -- Well, this is not a hotel. It's an ark. MRS -- What's an ark? NOAH -- It's a boat. MRS -- What's a boat? NOAH -- Well, it floats. MRS -- It floats. What, you mean, like a leaf on the pond in our back yard? NOAH -- Well, yes. MRS -- Honey, you're 600 years old. I think you've finally lost it. NOAH -- No, no, I'm not crazy. But I don't quite know how to explain it. MRS -- Then, let me explain this. Except for the spring fed pond in our back yard, there's no water around here to float on. NOAH -- Well, that's what I wanted to explain, huggy bear. It's going to rain. MRS -- What's that? NOAH -- Rain, you know. Oh. You don't know. It's never rained on earth before. Oh, well. MRS -- You know, a 600 year old man shouldn't be working in the hot sun every day, building a whatchamacallit. NOAH -- An ark. MRS -- Anyway, it'll fry your brain. NOAH -- There's nothing wrong with my brain, cuddle muffin. Rain is water from the sky. MRS -- Why don't you just come back to the house and lie down. NOAH -- There's nothing wrong with me, honey cheeks. God invented rain to drown the ungodly people on earth. MRS -- Well, it's no wonder. NOAH -- Huh? MRS -- Look over there. You no sooner finish building your whatchamacallit. NOAH -- The ark. MRS -- Yes, you no sooner finish building it than your neighbors start using it for storing hay and oats and leaves. If they weren't going to be drowned by the whatchamacallit... NOAH -- The rain. MRS -- Yes, if they weren't going to be drowned, I'd start charging them for the storage space. NOAH -- Those piles of grain and hay don't belong to the neighbors, cuddle nose. They belong to us. It's for food. MRS -- Well, if you think I'm eating leaves and hay for the next year, you've got another think coming. NOAH -- It's not food for us, sweet lips. Are you listening to me? MRS -- Noah, dear, I don't know how to tell you this, but there are wild animals coming up the ramp. NOAH -- Well, sweetheart, that's going to be a little hard to explain. Now, please don't get mad, but... (moo, cackle, whinny, caw, mew, etc) �2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |