NOAH     4'1m1f Noah breaks the news of the flood to his wife

MRS --  (jewish mother, afar, shouts) Noah? Noah?

NOAH -- (jewish father, aside) Oh, oh, here she comes.

MRS --  (afar, shouts) Noah, Noah, where are you?

NOAH -- I'm up here, my love.

MRS --  (afar) So, this is the surprise you've been 
working on for all these years? 

NOAH -- Yes.

MRS --  (afar) Wow! It's big. I love the windows along the top 
and the big door. But, frankly, Noah, I don't think we need a 
house this size. Our kids are all grown up. Hey, wait a minute. 
I'm 450 years old. If you were thinking about getting me 
pregnant again...

NOAH -- No, no my sweet. It's not a house. But we will be 
vacationing in here for the next year. Come on up the ramp and 
take a look.

MRS --  (approaching) Wow! This is big! Three floors. I like it.

NOAH -- Yup, I built it exactly the way the Lord told me, right 
down to the last cubit.

MRS --  What's a cubit?

NOAH -- Nevermind. See all the rooms? You can choose any room 
you want to live in.

MRS --  Why can't we just spread out. Criminy, we must have 
hundred of rooms here.

NOAH -- Well, sugar dumpling, we're not exactly going to live 
here alone.

MRS --  Oh, I get it. So, that's the surprise. Oh, Noah, what a 
great idea! You're opening a hotel!

NOAH -- Well, not exactly, honey pumpkin. See, first the kids 
are moving in....

MRS --  Oh, no you don't! I don't mind Ham and Shem moving back 
in with us, but Japheth's wife is a terrible housekeeper. Inside 
a month, she'll have this place looking like a pig sty.

NOAH -- (softly) You don't know the half of it.

MRS --  What?

NOAH -- Nothing, sugar cookie. So, you'd better start packing. 
We leave real soon.

NOAH -- Leave? I thought you said we were moving in here.

NOAH -- Well, it's a little hard to explain, sugar lips.

MRS --  Try me.

NOAH -- Well, this is not a hotel. It's an ark.

MRS --  What's an ark?

NOAH -- It's a boat.

MRS --  What's a boat?

NOAH -- Well, it floats.

MRS --  It floats. What, you mean, like a leaf on the pond in 
our back yard? 

NOAH -- Well, yes.

MRS --  Honey, you're 600 years old. I think you've finally lost 

NOAH -- No, no, I'm not crazy. But I don't quite know how to 
explain it.

MRS --  Then, let me explain this. Except for the spring fed 
pond in our back yard, there's no water around here to float on.

NOAH -- Well, that's what I wanted to explain, huggy bear. It's 
going to rain.

MRS --  What's that?

NOAH -- Rain, you know. Oh. You don't know. It's never rained on 
earth before. Oh, well.

MRS --  You know, a 600 year old man shouldn't be working in the 
hot sun every day, building a whatchamacallit.

NOAH -- An ark.

MRS --  Anyway, it'll fry your brain.

NOAH -- There's nothing wrong with my brain, cuddle muffin. Rain 
is water from the sky.

MRS --  Why don't you just come back to the house and lie down.

NOAH -- There's nothing wrong with me, honey cheeks. God 
invented rain to drown the ungodly people on earth.

MRS --  Well, it's no wonder. 

NOAH -- Huh?

MRS --  Look over there. You no sooner finish building your 

NOAH -- The ark.

MRS --  Yes, you no sooner finish building it than your 
neighbors start using it for storing hay and oats and leaves. If 
they weren't going to be drowned by the whatchamacallit...

NOAH -- The rain.

MRS --  Yes, if they weren't going to be drowned, I'd start 
charging them for the storage space.

NOAH -- Those piles of grain and hay don't belong to the 
neighbors, cuddle nose. They belong to us. It's for food.

MRS --  Well, if you think I'm eating leaves and hay for the 
next year, you've got another think coming.

NOAH -- It's not food for us, sweet lips. Are you listening to 

MRS --  Noah, dear, I don't know how to tell you this, but there 
are wild animals coming up the ramp.

NOAH -- Well, sweetheart, that's going to be a little hard to 
explain. Now, please don't get mad, but... 

(moo, cackle, whinny, caw, mew, etc)

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