BACK

NOAH     4'1m1f Noah breaks the news of the flood to his wife

MRS --  (jewish mother, afar, shouts) Noah? Noah?

NOAH -- (jewish father, aside) Oh, oh, here she comes.

MRS --  (afar, shouts) Noah, Noah, where are you?

NOAH -- I'm up here, my love.

MRS --  (afar) So, this is the surprise you've been 
working on for all these years? 

NOAH -- Yes.

MRS --  (afar) Wow! It's big. I love the windows along the top 
and the big door. But, frankly, Noah, I don't think we need a 
house this size. Our kids are all grown up. Hey, wait a minute. 
I'm 450 years old. If you were thinking about getting me 
pregnant again...

NOAH -- No, no my sweet. It's not a house. But we will be 
vacationing in here for the next year. Come on up the ramp and 
take a look.

MRS --  (approaching) Wow! This is big! Three floors. I like it.

NOAH -- Yup, I built it exactly the way the Lord told me, right 
down to the last cubit.

MRS --  What's a cubit?

NOAH -- Nevermind. See all the rooms? You can choose any room 
you want to live in.

MRS --  Why can't we just spread out. Criminy, we must have 
hundred of rooms here.

NOAH -- Well, sugar dumpling, we're not exactly going to live 
here alone.

MRS --  Oh, I get it. So, that's the surprise. Oh, Noah, what a 
great idea! You're opening a hotel!

NOAH -- Well, not exactly, honey pumpkin. See, first the kids 
are moving in....

MRS --  Oh, no you don't! I don't mind Ham and Shem moving back 
in with us, but Japheth's wife is a terrible housekeeper. Inside 
a month, she'll have this place looking like a pig sty.

NOAH -- (softly) You don't know the half of it.

MRS --  What?

NOAH -- Nothing, sugar cookie. So, you'd better start packing. 
We leave real soon.

NOAH -- Leave? I thought you said we were moving in here.

NOAH -- Well, it's a little hard to explain, sugar lips.

MRS --  Try me.

NOAH -- Well, this is not a hotel. It's an ark.

MRS --  What's an ark?

NOAH -- It's a boat.

MRS --  What's a boat?

NOAH -- Well, it floats.

MRS --  It floats. What, you mean, like a leaf on the pond in 
our back yard? 

NOAH -- Well, yes.

MRS --  Honey, you're 600 years old. I think you've finally lost 
it.

NOAH -- No, no, I'm not crazy. But I don't quite know how to 
explain it.

MRS --  Then, let me explain this. Except for the spring fed 
pond in our back yard, there's no water around here to float on.

NOAH -- Well, that's what I wanted to explain, huggy bear. It's 
going to rain.

MRS --  What's that?

NOAH -- Rain, you know. Oh. You don't know. It's never rained on 
earth before. Oh, well.

MRS --  You know, a 600 year old man shouldn't be working in the 
hot sun every day, building a whatchamacallit.

NOAH -- An ark.

MRS --  Anyway, it'll fry your brain.

NOAH -- There's nothing wrong with my brain, cuddle muffin. Rain 
is water from the sky.

MRS --  Why don't you just come back to the house and lie down.

NOAH -- There's nothing wrong with me, honey cheeks. God 
invented rain to drown the ungodly people on earth.

MRS --  Well, it's no wonder. 

NOAH -- Huh?

MRS --  Look over there. You no sooner finish building your 
whatchamacallit.

NOAH -- The ark.

MRS --  Yes, you no sooner finish building it than your 
neighbors start using it for storing hay and oats and leaves. If 
they weren't going to be drowned by the whatchamacallit...

NOAH -- The rain.

MRS --  Yes, if they weren't going to be drowned, I'd start 
charging them for the storage space.

NOAH -- Those piles of grain and hay don't belong to the 
neighbors, cuddle nose. They belong to us. It's for food.

MRS --  Well, if you think I'm eating leaves and hay for the 
next year, you've got another think coming.

NOAH -- It's not food for us, sweet lips. Are you listening to 
me?

MRS --  Noah, dear, I don't know how to tell you this, but there 
are wild animals coming up the ramp.

NOAH -- Well, sweetheart, that's going to be a little hard to 
explain. Now, please don't get mad, but... 

(moo, cackle, whinny, caw, mew, etc)


©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: [email protected]

BACK