BACK 23PSALM1 3'2m?f A verse by verse debacle of our favorite psalm A -- Our scripture reading for today is Psalm 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in WANT. (door open) B -- Excuse me? A -- Do you mind? I'm reading here. B -- Just one question? A -- Can't it wait? Psalm 23 is only six verses long. Maybe I can answer your question after I'm finished reading. B -- This won't take long. A -- Alright, what is it? B -- I just need to know, where is WANT? A -- Excuse me? B -- WANT. It's not on my map. A -- What are you talking about? B -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in WANT. I can't find it in my world atlas. Is WANT a city? Or is it a foreign country? A -- You're kidding, right? You're just putting me on? B -- Well, I don't get around much. I've never been in WANT. But you're so cosmopolitan, I suppose you've been in WANT lots of times. A -- You're serious. I don't believe it. B -- What. A -- Nobody can be that dumb. B -- Well, I'm sorry. I don't have a car. I don't even have a drivers license. I don't get around much. Okay? Oh, I get it. The reason WANT is not in my world atlas is that it's not a city or a foreign country. It's like a section of town, like China Town or like Hollywood. That's it, huh? A -- No, that's not it. B -- Oh. A -- WANT is not a place. It's a human condition. B -- I don't get it. A -- Big surprise. Look, when a person is in WANT, he is lacking something he needs badly. B -- Uh huh. A -- For example, you are in WANT of common sense. B -- Oh. A -- Now, if you don't mind, (announcer's intonations) Our scripture reading for today is Psalm 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in WANT. He.... B -- Excuse me. A -- What! B -- What is common sense? (footsteps) A -- (fading) Maybe I should try another line of work. (door close) VERSE 2 A -- Our scripture reading for today is Psalm 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.... B -- Oh, yuk! A -- You again. B -- I once took a shortcut through a green pasture, and I'll never to that again. I don't care what you say. A -- I don't suppose we could put off this discussion until AFTER I've finished reading the twenty-third Psalm. It's only six verses long. B -- I thought the pasture was empty. A -- Oh, brother. B -- All green and grassy. Am I interrupting something? A -- Oh, no. I'm dying to hear about your green and grassy pasture. B -- I wasn't watching where I was walking and I stepped right in the middle of a flesh cow.... A -- ...Well, thank you for sharing. (announcer's intonations) Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.... B -- You talk about green. My brand new Air Jordan's started out red. And stink! You have no idea. A -- Do you mind? Psalm 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.... B -- I don't suppose you want to hear about the BULL. A -- So far, that's all I've been hearing. Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.... B -- You've never been charged by a bull, have you? A -- No, I haven't. But thank for asking. Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures.... B -- Well, I thought I could stop him by throwing something at him. But the only think I could pick up was a cow.... A -- ....Do you mind?! B -- Oh, I'm sorry, you're right. Maybe your listeners who have never been in green pastures don't know what a cow chip is. Well, a cow chip is a pasture patty. A -- Please. B -- You're right. You're right. If our listeners don't know what a cow ship is, they won't probably know what a pasture patty is either. A -- We really don't have time for this. B -- No problem. This is a short story. So, anyways, I picked up a cow chip.... that's a cow pie that's been dried in the sun. Anyways, I picked up a pasture patty and threw it at the bull, but he just kept charging. So, I picked up a horse apple and.... Oh, maybe I should explain what a horse apple is... A -- You do and I'll poke you in the nose. B -- My, aren't WE testy? Well, anyways, I threw a horse apple at the bull, but he just kept charging, so I made a run for it. I finally had to climb up a tree to get away from him. A -- Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating. Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.... B -- The tree just happened to be beside the quiet waters. A -- You're not going to let me finish, are you? B -- Sure I am. A -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd.... B -- Did I mention that there was a bee hive in the tree? A -- I knew it. (footsteps) B -- The bees chased me into the quiet waters. (door close) Where'd he go? VERSE 3 A -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in WANT. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, (door open) he restores my soul. B -- I'll never do that again. A -- Just once, I'd like to be able to get through all six verses without an interruption. B -- It used to be a way to save money. But not anymore. A -- What are you talking about?! B -- Restoring my sole. A -- I'm almost afraid to ask. B -- Yessir, it used to be, you could save money in the long run by restoring your sole. But, well, I'm not sure if it's inflation or the national debt or the international trade deficit, but.... A -- Can we talk about this later? Much later?! B -- My, aren't we testy? A -- Mama said there'd be days like this. Listen, Psalm 23 has only 6 verses. Can we please talk about this after I'm finished reading it? B -- Well, alright.... A -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not... B -- .... if you want to spread around information that is no longer cost effective. A -- Alright! You've done it again. You have effectively interrupted the reading of the most famous song of all time. The microphone is yours. B -- Thank you. A -- You're welcome. B -- As I was saying, when I was in school, it used to be cost effective to restore the sole. But in today's economy, it costs just about as much to restore the sole as it does to buy a whole new pair of shoes. Ergo, we must conclude.... A -- Shoes?! You're talking about soles on shoes?! B -- Well, of course. And restoring the sole just doesn't pay anymore.... A -- unbelievable! B -- What. A -- When David wrote "he restores my soul", he meant that God refreshes his mind. B -- Oh. A -- Yeah. B -- That's easy for him to say. He didn't have to pay premium prices for resoling shoes. A -- Oh, brother. Do you mind if I finish Psalm 23? B -- Be my guest. A -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in WANT. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.... B -- Did you know that Moses and the Hebrews didn't have to restore their souls for 40 years in the desert? A -- (fading) Okay! That's it! (footsteps) B -- Actually, they were sandals. They didn't have real shoes in those... (door close) ...days. Where'd he go? VERSE 4 A -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; (door open) your rod and your staff, they comfort me. B -- Right. I'm really comforted. A -- Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. B -- What's the matter? A -- Oh, nothing. I just thought I was going to get all the way through the 23rd Psalm without an interruption. Silly Me. B -- Well, this is important. A -- Right. B -- No, really. I fail to see how a fishing rod will comfort anyone. A -- A fishing rod. B -- Yeah. (pause) What's the matter? A -- Just what makes you think that King David is talking about a FISHING rod? B -- Well, you said he was by the quiet waters. It's gotta be a fishing rod. (pause) doesn't it? A -- You can't be serious. B -- Alright, smart guy, what kind of a rod is it, if it's not a fishing rod? A -- If I explain it to you, will you go away and let me finish reading? B -- Well, sure. Far be it from me to keep you from your appointed rounds. A -- Alright. For your information, the ROD is a weapon. Now, get lost! B -- Alright. A -- Where was I? "You rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare...." (pause) What is it now. B -- Have you ever had to bend over and grab your ankles while your dad smacked you with a rod? A -- I fail to see how this has to do with anything we're talking about. B -- Well, I fail to see how a whack on the behind is very comforting. A -- Oh, brother. A shepherd's rod is not used on the sheep. It's for the jackals and mountain lions.... to drive them off. B -- Ooooohhhh! If you're a sheep, that's pretty comforting, huh? A -- Where was I? "You rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare...." (pause) What is it now? B -- Just one more question. A -- You said you'd leave if... B -- This won't take long. A -- Alright. What is it? B -- It's about the staff. Is that the presidential staff or the congressional staff? A -- Oh, brother. As a matter of fact, it's neither. B -- Neither. A -- Neither. A shepherd's staff is a long stick with a hook on the end. If a sheep falls into a pit or a crevice, the shepherd can reach reach down with the hook and pull him out. B -- Oooooohhh! Kind of like a rescue, huh. A -- Yes. B -- Oh, that's pretty comforting, if your a sheep, huh. A -- Yes. Now, where was I? I'd better start over. Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.... B -- You know, I have been meaning to ask you. I have never been able to find that on my world atlas. A -- What are you talking about? B -- The valley of the shadow of death. A -- (fading) That's it. You've done it again. (door close) B -- What'd I say? VERSE 5 A -- Psalms 23: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (door open) You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. B -- Oh, great! A -- Don't you ever knock? B -- What kind of drivel are you reading? This guy is surrounded by his enemies and some carpenter makes him a coffee table? A -- This DRIVEL is the twenty third Psalm. B -- Oh. A -- THIS GUY is King David. B -- So, what good is a coffee table if your surrounded by your enemies? A -- It's not a coffee table. And he's not a carpenter. The Lord God almighty is preparing a banquet here. B -- I'll bet that will get his enemies quaking in their boots. A -- It's not supposed to scare them. It's supposed to show the Lord's great provision during hardship. B -- Oh. A -- In those days, the enemy would lay siege to a city and not let any food or water into the city. They'd literally starve them to death. King David is saying here that the Lord will provide for our needs in the harshest of circumstances. B -- Oh. A -- Do you mind if finish? B -- Oh, did I interrupt? I'm sorry. A -- Where was I? "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows." What are you smirking about? B -- Smirking? I'm not smirking. A -- You were too. You were smirking when I was reading. B -- I was just imagining King David at the banquet table. And the Lord says, "What do you on on your salad?" And David says, "Oil and vinegar, Lord." A -- What's so funny about that? B -- Well, it's a long way from Heaven to Earth. A -- Yeah, so? B -- So, David looks up to Heaven and says, "You annoint my head with oil, Lord. But you missed the salad." A -- Oh, brother. B -- (laughs) So, then David goes to take a drink, and he looks up again and says, "My cup overflows, Lord. You got a rag?" (laughs) (door close) Where'd he go? VERSE 6 A -- Psalms 23 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. (door open) Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (pause) Well, thank you. B -- For what? A -- For not interrupting me. I finished all six verses of the twenty-third Psalm. B -- Well, I was going to interrupt, but I didn't know who they were. A -- Who? What are you talking about? B -- Those three people in the last verse there. A -- King David never mentioned anyone in the last verse, except the Lord. What three people are you talking about? B -- Shirley, Goodness and Love. A -- Oh, brother. B -- I don't remember seeing anyone named Shirley... (door close) ... in the Bible. Where'd he go? ©2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: [email protected] BACK |