SNAKES   3'1m1f Moses endures complaints until God sends snakes

WHINER - (whines) Moses, you gotta help us.

MOSES -- You again.

WHINER - Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the 
desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this 
miserable food!

MOSES -- (afar) Excuse me.

WHINER - Why are you hiding under that table?

MOSES -- The last time you people complained the Lord rained 
down death on you. You're gonna a get it and I don't want to get 
it too.

WHINER - Oh, great. Just what we need. More problems. How come 
everything happens to us.

MOSES -- Watch out. Here it comes.

WHINER - Here what comes...

(declining whistle, thud)

MOSES -- Boy are you lucky.

WHINER - Lucky? I don't think I'm so lucky. We're out here in 
the hot sun, wearing the same clothes that we wore when we left 
Egypt. And now I almost got hit in the head by this big box. 
What's so lucky about almost getting hit in the head by a big 

MOSES -- The box could have hit you in the head. (aside) Only in 
my dreams.

WHINER - Big deal. I don't feel so lucky. What's in the box?

MOSES -- Well, let's see what the Lord sent for us.

WHINER - The way my luck has been going, it's probably more of 
that miserable manna from heaven. I hate that stuff.

MOSES -- Well, let's take a look. 

(creek, creek, thud, hiss, rattle)

WHINER - Well, what is it? It doesn't sound like manna from 
heaven to me.

MOSES -- It's not manna. 

WHINER - Well, don't keep us waiting. What did the Lord send us?

MOSES -- Snakes.

(louder hiss, rattle)

WHINER - Oh, great. We need decent food and a change of clothes, 
but what does the Lord send? He sends snakes. Oh, great. What 
good is a big box full of snakes.

MOSES -- Gee, I don't know. Let's turn them loose and see.

WHINER - No, don't let them out. They'll bite us.

MOSES -- I think that's the idea. 

(thud, hiss, rattle louder)

WHINER - Oh, great, just... ah! ... what we need... ah! We're 
out here in the... ah! middle of the... ah! desert... ah! and 
all we get is bitten by a... ah! snakes ah!. What did you do... 
ah! that for? ah!

MOSES -- Because all you ever do is whine. Whine, whine, whine. 

WHINER - Alright, alright. ah! We'll stop whining. ah! Just get 
rid of the snakes. Ah!

MOSES -- Sorry.

WHINER - Oh, great, just what we need... ah! Alright, alright 
ah! This time we'll... ah! REALLY stop whining. ah! We promise. 
ah! Please do something. ah!

MOSES -- Oh, alright. But I was just beginning to enjoy watching 
you dance around.

WHINER - ah! Hurry, please!

MOSES -- Alright, listen up.

WHINER - ah!

MOSES -- I'm putting this snake made of brass on top of this 

WHINER - ah!

MOSES -- If you get bitten by a snake...

WHINER - ah!

MOSES -- Just look at the brass snake...

WHINER - ah!

MOSES -- And you won't die of snake bites.

WHINER - (pause) Hey, it works! I'm still alive! Hey, how about 
that! You know the Lord is really faithful. As soon as we turned 
from our wicked ways and stopped whining, he took care of us.

MOSES -- Yes, the Lord is full of grace and mercy. (aside) More 
than I would be.

WHINER - (whines) Now, if he can do that, why couldn't he send 
some new clothes and some decent food. (fading) Ah! Ah! Ooh! Ah! 
Where's that pole? Ah! Ah! Ooh. Ooh. I take it back. Ah! Ah! Ah!

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