RICHFOOL 5'2m0f The parable of the rich fool

RICH -- (enters briskly, crosses to C, looks around, looks at 
watch, paces) This is why I hate building contractors. They 
never value my time.

POOR -- (enters running, stops, points at Rich) Oh, it's you! 
(laughs hysterically, pounding thigh)

RICH -- What is so funny?!

POOR -- (attempts unsuccessfully to control laughter) I'm sorry, 
I'm sorry. My secretary called me on my cell phone just now and 
told me that she forgot to tell me that I had an appointment. 

RICH -- And you think that's funny?

POOR -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I guess I should apologize. You 
see, when I asked her the name of the person I was supposed to 
meet, she said, "It's a rich fool!" Isn't that a crack up?! 

RICH -- Very funny.

POOR -- I'm sorry, I'm sorry. See, I thought she was making a 
value judgement about you. But that's your name. (laughs)

RICH -- And you think my name is funny?

POOR -- Oh, no sir. Not at all. (laughs) I wasn't expecting 
Richard H. Fool, himself, the wealthiest man in the county. I'm 
sorry if my laughing offended you, Mr Fool. (tries 
unsuccessfully to stifle laughter)

RICH -- Well, I guess you've wasted quite enough of my time. 
What I wanted to talk to you about ... (notices Poor is 
laughing, shouts) Do you mind?!

POOR -- (serious) I'm sorry, Mr Fool. How may I help you? Is it 
about your barns here? (points to back wall above audience)

RICH -- Yes, I want them torn down.

POOR -- Mr Fool, I just built those barns for you last year. I 
used the finest materials and workmanship. Is there something 
wrong with them?

RICH -- Oh, they're fine. It's just that they're not big enough.

POOR -- No big enough?

RICH -- No. My farm lands have produced a huge crop this year 
and there's no way all of that grain will fit in these barns. 
So I want you to tear down these barns and build me some bigger 

POOR -- Bigger barns.

RICH -- Yes. To hold all of my bumper crop of grain. You CAN 
take care of that for me, can't you?

POOR -- Well, yes, I CAN, sir, but...

RICH -- Good. When you're finished, send me the bill. Now, if 
you'll excuse me, I'm throwing a party.

POOR -- A party?

RICH -- Yes, and the guest of honor is ME.

POOR -- You are the guest of honor at your own party?

RICH -- Well, yes, of course. I am now not only the richest man 
in the county, I am the richest man in the state. 

POOR -- Well, then, now would probably be a good time for me to 
collect what you own me.

RICH -- What I owe you?

POOR -- Yes, you still haven't paid me all you owe me for 
building these barns.

RICH -- Well, just add it to the bill. I'll pay it all when 
you're finished. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some wine, 
women and song to devour. "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow 
you may diet." (chuckles)

POOR -- Excuse me, Mr Fool, but I don't think that will work.

RICH -- What won't work?

POOR -- There's a pretty good chance that you will never pay me 
what you owe me.

RICH -- What are you talking about?

POOR -- Well, first of all, I heard that you cheated your 
farmers out of what you owed them in order to increase wealth.

RICH -- Can I help it if those poor miserable farmers can't add 
two and two? But that shouldn't affect you. I'll pay you what I 

POOR -- I doubt it.

RICH -- What do you mean by that?

POOR -- Mr Fool, did you give ten per cent of your harvest to 
the Lord?

RICH -- Do you take me for a fool?!

POOR -- (almost inaudible) Rich fool. (begins laughing, turns 

RICH -- Do you realize what ten percent of my harvest would 
amount to?

POOR -- No. But I'm sure you....

RICH -- It could feed a small city for a year. If you think I 
would just GIVE AWAY that much grain, you're badly mistaken.

POOR -- When you give it to the Lord, you're not giving it AWAY. 
You're giving it BACK.

RICH -- Giving it back? To whom?

POOR -- Surely, you don't think you could have possibly produced 
this huge crop without God's help, do you?

RICH -- Did God negotiate a deal with all those farmers? Did God 
plant the seeds and harvest the crop? Did God swindle those poor 
stupid farmers out of their share of the harvest? God did 
nothing FOR me. So, he gets nothing FROM me.

POOR -- My secretary was right.

RICH -- Excuse me?

POOR -- I WAS meeting with a rich fool.

RICH -- Well, if you want to insult me, I'll take my 
construction business elsewhere. (moves to exit)

POOR -- I doubt it. 

RICH -- (turns) Excuse me?

POOR -- The Lord won't let you get away with stealing for very 
long, especially stealing from HIM. (exits opposite) Now if 
YOU'll excuse ME, I don't want to be near you when the Lord 
deals with you.

RICH -- I am not going to let that hammer jockey ruin my party. 
(turn to exit) "Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow you may...."
(grabs throat, chokes, reels, exits dying)

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