NOAH2    6'1m*f RT: Noah announces the coming flood

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

NOAH -- (enters wearing tunic and sandals, carrying a large
piece of lumber, crosses, notices audience) What's going on? Who
are you people?

REPORTER -- We're newspaper reporters. Are you the person who is
building that big hotel?

NOAH -- (stops at podium, puts down lumber) Hotel? Oh, you mean
the arc. Yes. I'm the one.

REPORTER -- Can you tell us your name, sir?

NOAH -- My name is Noah son of Lamech.

REPORTER -- Shouldn't you be building your hotel out of bricks
or stones rather than wood?

NOAH -- I told you. It's not a hotel. It's an arc. It's a boat.

REPORTER -- You're kidding.

NOAH -- Why would I kid you about a thing like that? It's a

REPORTER -- That structure is four hundred feet long and five
stories high!

NOAH -- It's more like four hundred fifty feet long. So?

REPORTER -- So the largest boat in the gulf or on the
Mediterranean Sea is less than two hundred feet. What are you
REALLY building?

NOAH -- It's a boat.

REPORTER -- But it's not even shaped like a boat. It's a box.

NOAH -- That's why I called it an arc.

REPORTER -- Do you realize how big the sails will have to be for
a boat that long?

NOAH -- There won't be any sails.

REPORTER -- Well, there aren't any openings on the side for
oars. How will you propel your boat?

NOAH -- There won't be any propulsion. This boat will merely be
driven along by the wind and the water currents.

REPORTER -- Sir, do you have any mental illness in your family?

NOAH -- No. Why do you ask?

REPORTER -- You don't seem to be very rational.

NOAH -- What do you mean?

REPORTER -- Nobody builds a boat to go nowhere. Why would you do
such a thing?

NOAH -- Oh. Well, it's a little hard to explain. You see, this
arc is not designed to GO anywhere. It's designed to be a
lifesaving measure.

REPORTER -- A lifesaving measure, you say?

NOAH -- Yes.

REPORTER -- Who's life will it save?

NOAH -- My wife and myself, my three sons and their wives.

REPORTER -- That's an awfully big boat for just eight people.

NOAH -- Well, in addition, we'll be taking with us two of every
kind of animal.

REPORTER -- So, in essence, you and your family will be taking
a zoo with you?

NOAH -- That's right. Plus we'll be taking several livestock
with us for food.

REPORTER -- So, the cruise to nowhere is going to take a while.

NOAH -- Yes. I suspect that it will be a bit more than a year.

REPORTER -- Noah, did it ever occur to you that a boat this size
will never be able to be moved to the gulf or the sea?

NOAH -- I am aware of that. It's way to heavy to move.

REPORTER -- But you're sure you're going on a cruise?

NOAH -- Quite sure.

REPORTER -- Noah, have you stopped taking your medication?

NOAH -- I'm in perfect health. I don't take any medication.

REPORTER -- Then tell us HOW this ship will get to the sea
without moving it.

NOAH -- It's not going to the sea. There will be a flood.

REPORTER -- A what?

NOAH -- A flood.

REPORTER -- Can you tell us what a flood is?

NOAH -- Well, first of all, it will rain for several weeks
without ceasing.

REPORTER -- Noah, you used another strange word. (reads) Rain.
You said "it will RAIN for several weeks." What do you mean
(reads) "It will RAIN"?

NOAH -- As I said. It's a little hard to explain. In essence,
water will fall from the sky.

REPORTER -- He's crazy. This man is crazy!

REPORTER -- A real wacko!

REPORTER -- I agree. Why are we wasting our time here?

REPORTER -- Noah, stop lying and tell us what that big box

NOAH -- I have told you the truth. I know it's hard to believe.
I know that up until now, water has never fallen from the sky.
Until now, water has only oozed up from the ground and condensed
on the leaves of plants at night. But in the near future, the
Lord will not only pour down water from the sky, he will also
cause the glaciers up north to melt and the resulting flood will
wipe out every living thing on earth. And after the flood, my
family and I will be the only people left alive on earth.

REPORTER -- You're serious.

NOAH -- I'm dead serious and so is God.

REPORTER -- Alright, let's suppose for the sake of argument that
the Lord God is about to wipe out all of humanity in a...
(reads) "flood". Why would God do such a thing?

NOAH -- God told me that humanity has grown to be only evil all
the time. God is going to wipe out all of humanity and start

REPORTER -- Isn't that a little harsh?

NOAH -- Let me ask you a question: Does a potter have a right to
destroy a pot that's cracked and useless?

REPORTER -- Well, of course, but...

NOAH -- Well, God created man to serve him and commune with him.
But there is not one man left on earth who does either.

REPORTER -- Except you and your family.

NOAH -- God says we're the only ones left.

REPORTER -- And you expect us to believe that God will melt the
glaciers and make water fall from the sky to kill us all?

NOAH -- Actually, no, I don't expect you to believe it. That's
why you'll all die in the flood. If you believed it, you would
change your ways and be saved.

REPORTER -- You'll have to admit, this whole thing sounds a bit

NOAH -- The creation of the universe out of nothing sounds
bazaar. But the same God who did that can make water fall
from the sky and melt the glaciers. He said he'll do it and
he'll do it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. (picks
up lumber, exits)

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