REUNION2 4'1m*f RT: Fearing death, Jacob tries to buy off Esau

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

JACOB -- (enters wearing tunic, headdress and sandals, crosses
to podium) Good Morning. My name is Jacob Son of Isaac. Some of
you know me by the name Israel. The reason I called this press
conference is to announce my coming reunion with my estranged
brother Esau. I have been told that Esau is on the way here. And
so, to welcome him as an esteemed member of my family I intend
to give him: (reads from scroll) two hundred female goats and
twenty male goats, two hundred ewes and twenty rams, thirty
female camels with their young, forty cows and ten bulls, and
twenty female donkeys and ten male donkeys.

REPORTER -- This sounds like a bribe.

REPORTER -- Is it true that the reason you're offering your
brother all these animals is because you're afraid that he'll
kill you next time he sees you?

REPORTER -- Are you using the press corps as your personal
public relations tool?

JACOB -- Ah, well, ah....

REPORTER -- What did you do to your brother Esau to make him
want to kill you?

JACOB -- Nothing! I'm as pure as the driven snow.

REPORTER -- That's not what I hear.

JACOB -- What did you hear?

REPORTER -- This is a press conference. We're supposed to ask
the questions.

JACOB -- Oh. Sure. What did you want to know?

REPORTER -- Is it true that you stole your brother's birthright
as first born son?

JACOB -- STOLE is a rather harsh assessment.

REPORTER -- Is it true that you tricked your brother Esau into
selling you his rights of the firstborn son?

JACOB -- It was a business deal, fair and square.

REPORTER -- You bought your brother's double share of your
father's estate for a bowl of stew. Is that what you call fair
and square?

JACOB -- The stew was delicious. I made it myself.

REPORTER -- Is it true that you also stole the blessing that
your father intended for your brother Esau?

JACOB -- Somebody's got a big mouth! (calm) I mean, ah, my
father MAY have mistakenly given my brothers blessing to me...
by mistake, accidentally. I mean, my father is blind, you know.
He MAY have thought that I was Esau and Esau was me.

REPORTER -- I have eye witness reports that you dressed yourself
in animal fur because you knew that when your father touched
you, your body would feel like your brother's hairy body.

JACOB -- Is there some dress code that specifies what a person
has to wear when receiving a blessing from his father? Besides,
it was just a silly blessing!

REPORTER -- I have a transcript of the blessing in my
possession. According to this transcript, the blessing was more
than "May God bless you." Your father was a prophet of God. His
blessing foretold the future. Your brother was supposed to be
the one whose descendants would give birth to the messiah, the
savior of God. You were supposed to be the one who lived among
the rocks.

JACOB -- See, I was never very comfortable with the great
outdoors. My brother is much more accustomed to living among the

REPORTER -- Is it true that you have already sent your wives and
their children ahead of you to intercept Esau and talk him out
of killing you?

JACOB -- Um. Well, the kids were anxious to meet their uncle

REPORTER -- It wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that
Esau is bringing two hundred armed guards with him, would it?

JACOB -- Four hundred. But who's counting?

REPORTER -- What if his anger toward you causes him to kill your

JACOB -- Well, I... I suppose that's a possibility. I was kind
of hoping that when my brother saw all the gifts I was giving
him and my darling, helpless little children, he would have
second thoughts about taking revenge on me.

REPORTER -- So, you admit that you did him wrong?

JACOB -- The problem with Esau is, he has no sense of humor.
He's a sore loser. That's why it's important that all your press
people should be careful to list all the great gifts I'm giving
to Esau. ...And be sure and mention in your newspapers that I
think Esau is a kind and gentle human being.

(side steps, smooths headress, straightens tunic, pastes on
smile, exits)

Well, it's time for my big entrance. Wish me luck.

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