BACK SOLOMON 5'2m?f Solomon speaks about values: Ecclesiastes (scene: bare stage, except two bar stools DC) FRED ---- (British Accent, enters with clipboard) Good evening and welcome to Open Forum, the talk show that interviews the brightest thinkers and greatest successes in history. I'm your host, Fred Thompson. Tonight's guest is both THE brightest thinker in history AND THE greatest success of all time. I am speaking, of course, of none other than King Solomon. Welcome to Open Forum, your majesty. SOLOMON - (enters, shakes hands) Thanks, Fred. (both sit) FRED ---- I must admit that I have been looking forward to this interview with great anticipation, since my producer first announced that you agreed to come on the program. SOLOMON - Well, it's a pleasure to be here. FRED ---- I understand you're coming out with a new book shortly, your majesty. SOLOMON - Yes, the book is called Ecclesiastes. FRED ---- Well, as impressed as I was with your book of Proverbs and that very sensual book called Song of Songs, I must say I'm really looking forward to your new book. We'll talk about your new book a little later. But right now, I have a long list of questions about King Solomon, the man. Let's talk first about your lavish lifestyle. Is it true you have 700 wives and hundreds of concubines? SOLOMON - Yes, Fred, it's true. FRED ---- So, tell our listeners, how do you decide which wife you will spend the night with. SOLOMON - I don't. FRED ---- You don't? SOLOMON - Not anymore. FRED ---- May we ask why? SOLOMON - It was all for pleasure, Fred. And if there is anything I have learned over the years, it is that pleasure is meaningless. FRED ---- Meaningless. SOLOMON - Yes, meaningless. It doesn't lead anywhere. There are no lasting results. Pleasure is meaningless. FRED ---- But, your majesty, among your wives are some of the most beautiful women in the world. SOLOMON - Beauty is meaningless too, Fred. It doesn't lead anywhere. There are no lasting results from it. Beauty is absolutely meaningless. FRED ---- You'll pardon me, your majesty, but you don't sound like the same man who wrote Song of Songs, that so poetically described the physical pleasure of the marriage relationship. SOLOMON - Meaningless. All of it. I'm sorry I published such drivel. FRED ---- Oh, dear. SOLOMON - What's that matter? FRED ---- Well, about half of the questions I have written here are about your wives and your lifestyle. (tears a page off clipboard, throws over shoulder) SOLOMON - Meaningless. All of it. FRED ---- Yes, well, let's move on to some of your more serious pursuits. You have now reached the pinnacle of your career. You are the most respected, the most revered man in the world. It is said that even the Queen of Sheba paid homage to you. Is that true? SOLOMON - Yes, it is, Fred. She was one of literally dozens of rulers world-wide who sat at my feet to learn how to be a successful monarch. FRED ---- Well, how does it feel to be the most important man in the world? SOLOMON - Achievement is meaningless. FRED ---- Meaningless. SOLOMON - It's all meaningless, Fred. The status, the importance, the advancement, all of it. Meaningless. FRED ---- Uh huh. Well... (tears off another page from clipboard, throws over shoulder) there goes another ten questions. Well, let's see here, according to historians, early in your career, when the Lord told you that you could have ANYTHING you want, you chose wisdom. SOLOMON - That is correct, Fred. FRED ---- Now, scientists and scholars from all over the world come to seek your wisdom. SOLOMON - That's right, Fred. Literally thousands of scientists and thinkers world-wide stand in awe of my great wisdom. I am probably the wisest man who ever lived. FRED ---- Dare I ask how you feel about that? SOLOMON - Meaningless. FRED ---- Wisdom is... SOLOMON - Meaningless. That's right. I've spent a lifetime accumulating wisdom and when I croak, my wisdom dissipate like the smoke from a burned out fire. FRED ---- But you worked so hard to put your wisdom down on paper. What about your previous books? SOLOMON - Meaningless tripe. All of it. Wisdom and 50 cents will buy you a cup of coffee at McDonald's, Fred. FRED ---- Is there no redeeming value in all the work you went through to write all those books? SOLOMON - It was just toil, Fred. Toil is meaningless too. Why make the effort? FRED ---- Oh, dear. SOLOMON - What's the matter now? FRED ---- The rest of these questions were about your previous books. (tears off another page, throws it over shoulder) Isn't there anything you'd like to say on behalf of the Book of Proverbs or the Song of Songs? SOLOMON - Not a thing, Fred. I wrote the book of Proverbs for my son Rehoboam and you saw how miserable a king he turned out to be. I wrote the Song of Songs for my wives and they thanked me by worshiping other gods. Those books made me feel useful for a while, but they're meaningless. FRED ---- Well, now that you've eliminated all my other questions, let's spend the rest of the hour talking about your new book. I believe you called it Ecclesiastes. SOLOMON - Well, Fred, in the Book of Ecclesiastes, I outline how virtually everything that the world holds dear is meaningless. FRED ---- That's the theme of your book too? SOLOMON - Yes, Fred, but don't take it too seriously. It's just a book. And it's all just... BOTH ---- ...Meaningless. FRED ---- How did I know you were going to say that? This is really depressing. SOLOMON - Why? FRED ---- Well, you just wrote off everything on Earth as meaningless. SOLOMON - Boy, you got that right. FRED ---- You sound happy about it. SOLOMON - I am. FRED ---- But why? SOLOMON - I only have to spend a few years on earth in this frustrating meaninglessness, then I get to spend the rest of eternity with my Lord. (stands offers a handshake) Well, thanks for having me on your show. FRED ---- (shakes hand, stands) You're not leaving?! SOLOMON - Sure. Why not? FRED ---- I thought you came on the show to promote your new book. (aside) Besides, this is a one-hour show. SOLOMON - Well, if your audience wants to read my book, it's a good way to kill an afternoon, but it's just like this show. (crosses to exit) It's meaningless. FRED ---- (follows) What about your gold? SOLOMON - Meaningless. FRED ---- Silver. SOLOMON - (exiting) Meaningless. FRED ---- (turns to audience) Well, at this time, I would normally break for a commercial, but (points to Solomon offstage, shrugs) you know...(exits) ©2008 Bob Snook. Conditions for use: Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it. Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances. You may reproduce and distribute this script freely, but all copies must contain this copyright statement. http://www.bobsnook.org email: bob@bobsnook.org BACK |