MEEK     3'3m?f Meek does not mean weak

BAILIFF -- All rise. The probate court of the state of 
California is now in session, Judge Namby Q. Pamby presiding.

JUDGE -- (Enters in black choir robe, crosses to podium, pounds 

Be seated. This special session of probate court has been called 
to determine how to divide Southern California should the MEEK 
suddenly inherit the earth.

ORVIL -- (a hick, stands in audience) I'll take Disneyland!

JUDGE -- Order in the court!

ORVIL -- I just put in my order: I'll take Disneyland!

JUDGE -- If you don't sit down ...

ORVIL -- Oh, I'm sorry, is Disneyland taken?. Then, I'll take 
Knott's Berry Farm.

JUDGE -- You can't just claim Knott's Berry Farm.

ORVIL -- Is Universal Studios available? (on stage)

JUDGE -- Yes... No... You have to qualify first. You must be 

ORVIL -- Meek?! Yer lookin' at one meek dude here. Why, I'm the 
lowest form of life on earth. Why, I'm a spineless jellyfish, a 
Wilbor Milktoast. Even the puny guys at the beach kick sand in 
my face.

JUDGE -- I'm sorry, but we have to...

ORVIL -- And nobody likes me. When I was growing up my mama had 
to tie pork chops around my neck in order to get the dogs to 
play with me.

JUDGE -- Your story is touching, sir. But the purpose of this 
hearing is to come to a decision....

ORVIL -- ...Speaking of decisions, I used to be indecisive, now 
I not so sure.

JUDGE -- Listen, you! We've got to...

ORVIL -- I always wanted to ask my psychiatrist how to become 
more assertive, but he's so busy...

JUDGE -- I'm sorry, sir, we really have to get down to the 
business at hand ...

ORVIL -- Business! That's how you really know I'm meek. Lost 5 
jobs in five days.

JUDGE -- Five jobs in five days?

ORVIL -- Yeah, well first I was a lumber jack, but I got the axe. 
Then I was a plumber, but that went down the drain. Then I was a 
tree surgeon, but they asked me to leave. Then I worked in 
munitions factory, but that bombed. Finally, I worked in Alaska 
building a highway.

JUDGE -- Don't tell me. You got the cold shoulder.

ORVIL -- How'd you know?

JUDGE -- Lucky guess. Look, I get the picture. You're a low- 
life weasel who has nothing going for him.

ORVIL -- Yeah, I guess that qualifies me for a piece of Southern 
California, huh? Maybe Sea World?

JUDGE -- If you were God would you give Sea World to a low-life 
weasel who has nothing going for him?

ORVIL -- Well, you said meek...

JUDGE -- ...MEEK is not unresourceful.

ORVIL -- Listen, call me weasel but don't call me unresourseful.

JUDGE -- MEEK is not weak.

ORVIL -- Yeah, well, I work out ... I wear Reeboks!

JUDGE -- The kind of MEEKness that Jesus refers to in the Beati- 
tudes is the meekness he displayed in his ministry on earth: 
First, he relied on God's resources ...

ORVIL -- God's resources...

JUDGE -- Second, he set aside his own interests and lived for 
God's interests...

ORVIL -- Well, I could go for that...

JUDGE -- ...even to death.

ORVIL -- Well, maybe Sea World was a little too ambitious. Maybe 
I could try for something not requiring so much commitment. The 
zoo is nice.

JUDGE -- (throws up hands) You're either meek or you're weak. 
This court stands in recess. (gavels, exits)

ORVIL -- (follows) Listen, can't we negotiate here? I'll settle 
for Riverside. How about San Bernardino?

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