ONFIRE   5'2m0f Discipleship: recharging your batteries

BOB -- (macho man, wearing one-piece pajamas with feet, carrying 
pillow and teddy bear, enters, scratches self, yawns as he 
crosses, lies down on table DC, falls asleep)

CON -- (English Butler, enters quietly, confidently, stands by 
Bob expectantly for several seconds, then clears throat)

BOB -- (eyes closed) What do YOU want?

CON -- I'm your conscience, Bob. What do you think I want?

BOB -- You want me to wake up.

CON -- (sings) That's right.

BOB -- I don't want to get up. I want to sleep in today. Go 

CON -- I'm YOUR conscience, Bob. Where would I go?

BOB -- I don't want to play Christian today. Leave me alone.

CON -- Sorry, you have the Lord's work to do today. 

BOB -- Let someone else do my work.

CON -- Only you can do the work the Lord gave you to do, Bob. 
Remember? He designed you to be unique. And he designed your 
work to fit your uiniqueness. So, how could anyone else do your 

BOB -- Oh, alright. (sits up with feet dangling, yawns, eyes 
still closed) I had a really good dream. I dreamed I was 

CON -- I detect a lack of enthusiasm here.

BOB -- Oh, brilliant. What gave you the first clue?

CON -- You know, we've had this conversation before.

BOB -- (lying back down) I know. (yawns) So, save your breath. 
(cuddles teddy bear)

CON -- You know, Bob, this happens whenever you forget that you 
have been forgiven.

BOB -- I really blew it yesterday. I am such a jerk.

CON -- Yes, you are. 

BOB -- Thank you for your support.

CON -- Do you really think that you're any less forgiven just 
because you keep commiting the same sins over and over?

BOB -- Well, I sure wouldn't forgive me over and over.

CON -- That's because you're such a jerk.

BOB -- What is that? Reverse psychology?

CON -- I'm reminding you that it wasn't a jerk like you who 
forgave you of your sins. It was God himself. He knew all the 
sins that you would ever commit, even the sins you will commit 
today, and he forgave you for them. He holds you as innocent as 
that little teddy bear in your hands.

BOB -- (opens eyes, examines teddy bear) Oh, yeah. I knew that. 
(sits up, holds teddy bear at arm's length, smiles) Why do I 
keep forgetting God's love for me?

CON -- Could it be that you stopped reading his love letters?

BOB -- (stands, turns to exit, deep breath, sigh) Alright, I'll 
read my Bible.

CON -- They're love letters, Bob, not death certificates.

BOB -- Well, the Old Testiment isn't exactly the most exiting 
reading in the world.

CON -- Alright, I tell you what. You're pretty good at dreaming. 
Close your eyes and dream two dreams for me.

BOB -- (rolls eyes, takes deep breath, sighs, faces audience, 
closes eyes) Alright, what's the first dream?

CON -- You just won the lottery.

BOB -- (smiles) Well, I like this one already! How much did I 

CON -- Fifty million dollars.

BOB -- Well! (smile melts) Wait. I know what you're driving at. 
First, I tithe five million dollars to the Lord. No, wait. Make 
that ten million. Then, I buy a...

CON -- ...then we take out twenty million dollars for federal 
taxes and ten million dollars for state taxes.

BOB -- Kill-joy. Alright, but I still have TWENTY MILLION 
dollars. I buy a big house right on the beach, and a big screen 
TV for every room in the house, and lots of cars -- one car for 
each day of the week. 

CON -- And when you've spent the money, it's all gone. 

BOB -- I still have the stuff I bought.

CON -- Until you die.

BOB -- (opens eyes) Who's dream is this, anyway. 

CON -- The second dream is a continuation of the first. Keep 

BOB -- (closes eyes, smiles ever more broadly as the dream 
unfolds) Okay, I'm in Heaven, now. Streets are paved with pure 
gold. The gates and doors are all inlaid with pearls. The Lord 
has a mansion all picked out for me. Everything I every wanted 
or needed is mine forever. I'll never lose it. (opens eyes) 
Alright, I get your point. The Lord gave me a gift more valuable 
than winning the lottery. But, what does that have to do with 
reading my Bible?

CON -- You're dream isn't over yet. What about your unlimited 
access to the Lord of the universe?

BOB -- Oh, yeah. (closes eyes) Okay, so, I'm coming up to the 
throne room, dressed in my Geogio Armani three piece suit and 
hand made Italian shoes. And there's maybe fifty people waiting 
to see the Lord. But I just step up and cut into the front of 
the line, because I know him personally, see, and I say (waves) 
"Hiya, Lord, how's it going? Let's do lunch." Hey, I like this. 
I could finally ask him all those questions I've always wanted 
to ask.

CON -- Biblical questions?

BOB -- No, questions like, how come women always expect you to 
read their mind?

CON -- Okay, so, you're sitting around the lunch table with 
Jesus and some of his friends.

BOB -- (smiles broadly) Yeah, like Moses (reaches out shakes 
hands with imaginary Moses) "Hiya, Moses, how's it going?" and 
Elijah... (reaches out shakes hands with imaginary Elijah) 
"Hiya, Elijah, how's it going?"

CON -- And Habakkuk.

BOB -- (opens eyes) Habakkuk? Who's Habakkuk?

CON -- He wrote the book of the Bible you were due to read this 
morning in your quiet time.

BOB -- (exited) Oh, man, I better get busy! (turns to exit, 
holds up teddy bear gleefully at arm's length, talks to it, 
exiting) Hey, Habakkuk, baby, I read your book. I really liked 
it. How about a game of racket ball after lunch?

CON -- (raises eye brows to audience, points at Bob, exits) 
"Habakkuk, Baby?" Has he no conscience?

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