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SUNSTOP2 5'1m*f RT: Joshua asks for the sun to stand still

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

JOSHUA -- (enters wearing tunic and sandals with sword tucked
into belt around waist, crosses to podium) Good morning. My name
is Joshua. I am the general of the army of Israel. I called this
press conference to give the public an update on the war against
the five kingdoms of Jerusalem, Hebron, Jarmuth, Lachish and
Eglon.

REPORTER -- General Joshua, can you refresh our memories? Why
did you end up going to war against five kingdoms at once?
Wouldn't it have been a better military strategy to battle the
kingdoms one at a time?

JOSHUA -- Yes. It would have been a better strategy to fight
them one at a time. But these five kings did not leave the
choice to me. After I signed a peace treaty with the cities of
Gibeon, the surrounding kings joined together and attacked the
cities of Gibeon. We merely responded to the attacks against our
allies.

REPORTER -- So, tell us. How goes the war against the five
kingdoms?

JOSHUA -- It's over. We won.

REPORTER -- I'm sorry, my hearing must be bad. Did you say that
Israel won the war against the five kingdoms?

JOSHUA -- That's correct.

REPORTER -- But the war against the five kingdoms just started
yesterday! Are you saying that your army defeated five armies in
just one day?!

JOSHUA -- Well, technically it wasn't just one day. And it
wasn't just my army that defeated them.

REPORTER -- Can you be more specific? What army besides yours
fought against the five kingdoms?

JOSHUA -- It wasn't an army that helped us defeat them, it was
God himself. He dropped hailstones on the enemy that killed more
enemy troops than we killed with our swords.

REPORTER -- So, your saying that a supernatural disaster is what
tipped the scales in your favor.

JOSHUA -- That's right. Before we crossed over the Jordan River
to conquer the promised land, the Lord God promised us that HE
would fight our battles for us. And he has kept his promise.
During the battle of Jericho, the Lord God killed more people
with earthquakes and fires than we killed with our swords.

REPORTER -- Speaking of supernatural events, there was another
supernatural event that happened yesterday. Our astronomers
reported that the sun and the moon quit moving across the sky,
lengthening the daylight hours. Was the stopping of the sun and
moon in any way related to the war against the five kingdoms? Or
was this merely a coincidence?

JOSHUA -- It was related to the war. It was a direct answer to
my prayer.

REPORTER -- What exactly did you pray and why?

JOSHUA -- Well, the enemy was coming at us from five different
directions. And even with the hailstones removing more than half
of our enemy, it became clear about midday that we would not be
able to clean up the remaining resistance before dark. So, I
asked the Lord to extend the daylight hours, in order that we
might finish the war before dark.

REPORTER -- Why was it so important to finish the war before
dark?

JOSHUA -- Well, after the hail storm, the enemy was so
demoralized that they all turned and ran in all directions. If
it had become dark, they would have escaped under cover of
darkness. The extended daylight allowed us time to track them
down and kill them to the last man.

REPORTER -- What happened to the kings of these kingdoms?

JOSHUA -- We killed them too.

REPORTER -- Isn't it rather harsh to kill every living person?

JOSHUA -- I will remind you that forty years ago when our people
first came out of slavery in Egypt, God's command to my
predecessor Moses was to WIPE THEM OUT. Anything less than death
would be a violation of direct orders. Besides, these people
were Amorites. They worshipped sex. As a result, they probably
had sexually transmitted diseases in nearly 100% of their
population. Killing them was the only way to rid the country of
these diseases.

REPORTER -- So, is the land of Canaan now secure enough for the
people of Israel to settle down?

JOSHUA -- Definitely not. The five kingdoms we conquered were
local to this surrounding area. As we speak, several more kings
in the outlying areas are conspiring to attack us. We will spend
several weeks or months or years cleaning out the remaining
pockets of resistance until we can confidently claim that we
have followed the command of God to WIPE THEM OUT. But with
God's help, we will prevail. What he promised, He will deliver.
(exits)

REPORTER -- Thank you General Joshua.

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